As wonderful and joyous this time of year is suppose to be, I always seem to struggle with truly embracing the Holidays and just enjoying them. The Holidays tend to be a very lonely and sad time of year for me. The main reason being that my parents split up around Christmas time when I was 13. That pain is still very real and present in my everyday life today. Those scars haven't fully healed, probably in large part because I haven't really let them heal yet.
I always look back at my childhood Christmases and how many wonderful memories my family had together. My parents struggled when I was younger but the one thing I do remember is my brother and I were never without especially during Christmas. Santa always remembered our wishes and on Christmas morning he would leave an abundance of gifts under the tree. As I am getting older, the more and more I am yearning for a family of my own. I desperately want to start new traditions and make new memories with a husband and children. I know that I'm still "Young," and "Have plenty of time to start a family," but each year I get older, the more distant that dream is from becoming a reality.I've blogged about happiness and being content in life where you are at. I truly believe I have made steps in that area of my life, but it never seems to fail that around the Holiday's, all of that progress I may have made goes straight out the window.
This Christmas, my only wish is that I make an effort to focus on what I have versus what I want. I think this is something that everyone can focus on. Society tells us we need to have this, we need to buy that, we need, we need, WE NEED!!! (No wonder our economy is in a recession. GREED!!) What I really want and what I need are different things right now and I have faith that someday my wants will come true. Someday, I will have a husband and a family in which I can dot upon, begin new traditions and build new memories with. Someday I will have someone to kiss on New Years. Someday I will have children I can rock to sleep and tuck in at night. Someday I will have someone to fall asleep next too and wake up next to in the morning. Someday... those wishes WILL come true. All I have to do is Believe.
2 comments:
It is truly the season with the economy the way it is, of focusing on what matters and on what we currently possess. On a season of understanding, mercy, love, giving, and gratitude. On a season where we can be thankful for God giving us His Son.
I only wish you the merriest this season can bring! Moah! Focus on how good these last few months have been!
Thanks Jessie!!
Don't get me wrong. I am truly happy and blessed with how grea things have been going lately in my life but there are still things I truly want and it's hard not to focus on those things when your heart truly yearns for it. All in good time. I just need to be patient and believe that it will happen when it's suppose to.
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