The story I'm about to share may sound a bit irrational. Even so, given our current state of our world and it's increasing impulse to inflict harm on others for no reason, I can't help but feel a little concerned for my safety and well being. For the record, I am OK. Just a little shook up.
I was on my way home from visiting my Man last night (Yes, it's official... we are bf/gf). It was about 10:30pm. I was tired and not feeling the greatest. I just wanted to get home and go to bed. I was going about 60 mph on a 55 mph highway. Out of nowhere a guy came zooming up behind me. He was riding my tail, so much so that I couldn't see his lights. I sped up and pulled into the other lane so he could pass me. As he passed me I looked over and raised my hands saying "What the Hell??!" He then proceeded to cut me off and slammed on his breaks several times. He then slowed down to 40 mph in hopes that I would pass him. I didn't. I just continued to drive in hopes he would just speed away. He didn't. He pulled over the shoulder to let me pass and then he started to follow me. I was nearing my exit home but decided that wasn't the wisest idea as I didn't want him to know where I lived. He continued to follow me for 10 minutes and then eventually went away.
I finally made it home and was upset. I called R and told him what happened. He calmed me down but I still went to bed with knots in my stomach and only managed a few hours of restless sleep. I was worried that when the idiot was following me he managed to take down my License Plate info and would eventually look it up and track me down. Irrational thinking? Perhaps, but I can't help but be a little afraid. There are a lot of crazies out there who just want to inflict pain, worry, and chaos. Who's to say this asshole of a man couldn't be like any of the other crazies out there? Thankfully I'm dating a Firefighter and Law Enforcement student. He is very protective and I always feel safe when I am with him. Maybe this whole experience is even more reason to continue to spend more time with him. :) Trying to find the humor in the situation, but I still am a bit upset. This feeling will pass. Hopefully sooner rather than later. I don't like living my life in fear but today I still feel afraid.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Life update
Hi Friends! Sorry I've been MIA. Life has been busy, thankfully with mostly good things! Here is a little recap of what has been going on in my world.
1. Still seeing my not so mysterious man. We've had some good talks about what we are, and where we are heading. Taking it day by day and enjoying the time I do spend with him. He treats me well, very well. I'm not used to it but I'm learning to accept that this is how I should be treated. He makes me smile, laugh and all around feel good. I'm happy.
2. My 90 day challenge kind of took a nose dive. I'm really disappointed in myself. I could blame it on a slew of things. The Holiday's, dating someone new, stress at work but in all honesty I can only blame myself. I'm not going to give up on myself though. Once I return from Hawaii I plan to start the 90 day challenge again as I do believe it works, if I follow it. Will power! I know I have it hidden in me somewhere.
3. I leave for Hawaii in 11 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been counting down since 130 days. To say I'm excited is a complete understatement. It's been FREEZING in Minnesota lately and next week they are saying highs in the 0's. WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAATTTT?? Get me outta here already! I haven't taken a legit vacation, over a week, outside of Minnesota since 2004. I'm way overdue and if I can be selfish for a minute, DESERVE this time away. My plans are to enjoy the Island, take in some sights, and soak up as much sun as I possibly can! The friend that I am visiting told me a few weeks ago that it is Whale Season while I am there so we are hoping to do a Whale Tour! I'm also interested in doing a Shark Dive. Eeeeeeeeekkkkkk!!! So pumped!
4. Work has been INSANE. This shouldn't surprise me though. Whenever I try to take any sort of time off, the place suddenly can't exist without my presence and goes into freak out mode. I take this as compliment but also find it to be a huge pain in my ass, and also causes me to question if I should be taking time off at all. Ugh.
5. I visited my Grandma last weekend. She was feeling a bit down so I tried my best to cheer her up with flowers and lunch. We laid low and chatted while watching Animal Planet shows. I get my love for animals from her. It's genetic. As I was getting ready to leave I hugged her twice, told her I loved her and as I was walking out the door she said "I better hug you one more time as I'm not sure when I will see you again." Not sure why but this jolted my heart right into my mouth. It was a wake up call. God's way of saying "Make sure you tell the ones you love, you love them, always." So I hugged her again, a little tighter that time and went on my way.
Besides those few highlights, not much else to report. Hope to write more as things settle down. Thanks for checking in! Sorry I've been a bad blogger.
1. Still seeing my not so mysterious man. We've had some good talks about what we are, and where we are heading. Taking it day by day and enjoying the time I do spend with him. He treats me well, very well. I'm not used to it but I'm learning to accept that this is how I should be treated. He makes me smile, laugh and all around feel good. I'm happy.
2. My 90 day challenge kind of took a nose dive. I'm really disappointed in myself. I could blame it on a slew of things. The Holiday's, dating someone new, stress at work but in all honesty I can only blame myself. I'm not going to give up on myself though. Once I return from Hawaii I plan to start the 90 day challenge again as I do believe it works, if I follow it. Will power! I know I have it hidden in me somewhere.
3. I leave for Hawaii in 11 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been counting down since 130 days. To say I'm excited is a complete understatement. It's been FREEZING in Minnesota lately and next week they are saying highs in the 0's. WHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAATTTT?? Get me outta here already! I haven't taken a legit vacation, over a week, outside of Minnesota since 2004. I'm way overdue and if I can be selfish for a minute, DESERVE this time away. My plans are to enjoy the Island, take in some sights, and soak up as much sun as I possibly can! The friend that I am visiting told me a few weeks ago that it is Whale Season while I am there so we are hoping to do a Whale Tour! I'm also interested in doing a Shark Dive. Eeeeeeeeekkkkkk!!! So pumped!
4. Work has been INSANE. This shouldn't surprise me though. Whenever I try to take any sort of time off, the place suddenly can't exist without my presence and goes into freak out mode. I take this as compliment but also find it to be a huge pain in my ass, and also causes me to question if I should be taking time off at all. Ugh.
5. I visited my Grandma last weekend. She was feeling a bit down so I tried my best to cheer her up with flowers and lunch. We laid low and chatted while watching Animal Planet shows. I get my love for animals from her. It's genetic. As I was getting ready to leave I hugged her twice, told her I loved her and as I was walking out the door she said "I better hug you one more time as I'm not sure when I will see you again." Not sure why but this jolted my heart right into my mouth. It was a wake up call. God's way of saying "Make sure you tell the ones you love, you love them, always." So I hugged her again, a little tighter that time and went on my way.
Besides those few highlights, not much else to report. Hope to write more as things settle down. Thanks for checking in! Sorry I've been a bad blogger.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Expirating Dating
For the first time ever, I had someone to kiss on New Years. I've been rather quiet about who this mystery man is but truth be told, I have been seeing someone for about two months. I like him. He's a good guy and treats me well. We go on dates. He opens doors. He bought me beautiful flowers and a spa gift certificate for Christmas. He also brought me to a New Years party where I was able to meet a handful of his friends. This meant SO much to me as it proved I am not a secret. I'm happy, really happy, but I know in the back of my mind this isn't going to last. I like to call this expirating dating. Dating that has a shelf life and once it's run it's course it will end/expire. You see, the guy I am dating is emotionally unavailable. He's been very up front and honest about this since day one in which I respect. He has a heart breaking past. For some, childhood is what we spend the rest of their lives trying to get over. His childhood is something that haunts him and has paralyzed him from having a normal emotional relationship. He says he isn't sure if he is capable of feeling love or being loved. He knows he needs help but admits his not ready to face his demons. My heart hurts for him. He openly shares things with me and there has been times in which I have had to hold back tears. It's heartbreaking but his mess doesn't scare me. If anything, it makes me appreciate the life I have had and realize how lucky, blessed and loved I was as a child and still am to this day.
He has expressed that he knows how special I am. Has even used the word "Amazing" to describe me but has warned me several times not to get too close to him because he doesn't want to hurt me. He cares for me a great deal but at this point in his life he can't give me more than what we already are, which is expiration dating.
Some may ask why I am even wasting my time. I ask myself that question daily. I know I can't fix him and that isn't my focus or intent. I can't help but feel our paths were meant to cross for a reason. That our "Season" together has a purpose. I consider myself to be a caring person. I love with my whole heart but in this situation I find myself still caring and "loving" him but to a limit. I haven't allowed myself to fall. Perhaps my purpose is to show him that he is worth loving and caring about. I shared those thoughts with him a few weeks ago in which he smiled and said "Thank you. That means a lot."
I'm not sure when things will expire between us. A part of me hopes that if the romance fades, at least a friendship can survive. I guess time always has a way of showing us what will be.
He has expressed that he knows how special I am. Has even used the word "Amazing" to describe me but has warned me several times not to get too close to him because he doesn't want to hurt me. He cares for me a great deal but at this point in his life he can't give me more than what we already are, which is expiration dating.
Some may ask why I am even wasting my time. I ask myself that question daily. I know I can't fix him and that isn't my focus or intent. I can't help but feel our paths were meant to cross for a reason. That our "Season" together has a purpose. I consider myself to be a caring person. I love with my whole heart but in this situation I find myself still caring and "loving" him but to a limit. I haven't allowed myself to fall. Perhaps my purpose is to show him that he is worth loving and caring about. I shared those thoughts with him a few weeks ago in which he smiled and said "Thank you. That means a lot."
I'm not sure when things will expire between us. A part of me hopes that if the romance fades, at least a friendship can survive. I guess time always has a way of showing us what will be.
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