Expirating Dating

For the first time ever, I had someone to kiss on New Years. I've been rather quiet about who this mystery man is but truth be told, I have been seeing someone for about two months. I like him. He's a good guy and treats me well. We go on dates. He opens doors. He bought me beautiful flowers and a spa gift certificate for Christmas. He also brought me to a New Years party where I was able to meet a handful of his friends. This meant SO much to me as it proved I am not a secret. I'm happy, really happy, but I know in the  back of my mind this isn't going to last. I like to call this expirating dating. Dating that has a shelf life and once it's run it's course it will end/expire. You see, the guy I am dating is emotionally unavailable. He's been very up front and honest about this since day one in which I respect. He has a heart breaking past. For some, childhood is what we spend the rest of their lives trying to get over. His childhood is something that haunts him and has paralyzed him from having a normal emotional relationship. He says he isn't sure if he is capable of feeling love or being loved. He knows he needs help but admits his not ready to face his demons. My heart hurts for him. He openly shares things with me and there has been times in which I have had to hold back tears. It's heartbreaking but his mess doesn't scare me. If anything, it makes me appreciate the life I have had and realize how lucky, blessed and loved I was as a child and still am to this day.

He has expressed that he knows how special I am. Has even used the word "Amazing" to describe me but has warned me several times not to get too close to him because he doesn't want to hurt me. He cares for me a great deal but at this point in his life he can't give me more than what we already are, which is expiration dating. 

Some may ask why I am even wasting my time. I ask myself that question daily. I know I can't fix him and that isn't my focus or intent. I can't help but feel our paths were  meant to cross for a reason. That our "Season" together has a purpose. I consider myself to be a caring person. I love with my whole heart but in this situation I find myself still caring and "loving" him but to a limit. I haven't allowed myself to fall. Perhaps my purpose is to show him that he is worth loving and caring about. I shared those thoughts with him  a few weeks ago in which he smiled and said "Thank you. That means a lot."

I'm not sure when things will expire between us. A part of me hopes that if the romance fades, at least a friendship can survive. I guess time always has a way of showing us what will be.