Hello, vacation!

This time next week I will be doing this...


Drinking a lot of these paired with a gorgeous view...


Sleeping peacefully in bed like this...


And if I'm lucky, I may snatch someone like this... (Latin Lover who is incredibily sexy, wealthy, and pretty much wants to take care of me for the rest of my life. Yes please, I would like that!! I would like that very much!!




Hello, Vacation. I've been waiting for you to arrive for a LONG time.

Praise You In This Storm

It's hard not to get emotional when you see all of the devastating weather that is happening around our country. This past weekend, right in the heart of our State, Minneapolis and some surrounding cities were hit with a horrific tornado. I was actually driving home from celebrating my Mom's birthday and was caught in the most torrential downpour of rain and wind on 100 and 36th Ave... later found out that there was a Tornado just blocks away from where I was. I feel blessed that I was spared.

My heart aches for those who were affected not just yesterday but all around our country. I can't help but feel that God is trying to speak to us in a BIG way. Unfortunately it sometimes takes tragedy for good things to happen. I can only hope that through awful and life changing experiences that God is working and changing hearts.

I came across this YouTube video that was a tribute to the Alabama tornado victims that happened the end of April. The pictures speak for themselves. My favorite line is:

"I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away."

I am learning that God is still God, no matter what storm you are facing in life. He hears you and He listens, although it may not be apparent at the time, there is purpose and a plan in life's storms

Not so wordless Wednesday

My friend Christie took this picture on a recent trip. Words I need to live by. So powerful, so simple, so true. Happy many words, Wednesday!

Finding Love: Why You Shouldn't Give Up

3rd times a charm, right? I bit the bullet and signed up for Eharmony again this past weekend. The past few days I've been wondering why I am putting myself through this yet again seeing as my last experience was awful. But... clearly the old fashioned way of meeting a guy at work, at the coffee shop, at the gas station, at my apartment isn't working for me, so I need to result to the online cyber world. I'm giving it 3 months. If nothing comes of it, I need to accept that it's just not God's plan for me, right now. As I was filling out my profile, I came across this article...

Finding Love: Why You Shouldn't Give Up

Gives me hope, especially the last paragraph. Here's hoping something good will come of this. I feel I'm a great catch... just hope someone out there agrees.

Sunny with a chance of Hope.

I had a low key rather blah weekend. It was probably a good thing as my week was pretty emotionally draining. Nothing like a virtual email fight to really kick your hearts ass and then some. It’s over now, in the past and I’m trying my best to keep breathing and move on. Someday, soon I hope, all of this frustration and heart ache, tears, fears, EVERYTHING will be worth it. I’m trying REALLY hard to trust that God has a plan and purpose in all of this. He clearly isn’t finished with me yet as I keep waking up in the morning, and my heart keeps beating although still a bit broken.

I leave for Miami in 2 weeks. I can’t even explain how badly I need this vacation. I need to escape my life for just a little bit and enjoy the sun, cocktails, and a whole lot of nothing down south. The plan is to have no plans and just take each day as it comes. I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to stuff numerous outfits and shoes into my tiny carry on suitcase so I don’t have to fork over the $50 for “Extra Luggage.” What a joke. Remember the days when it doesn’t cost you anything extra to have luggage? Also, remember the days when you could actually go to the terminal and wish your loved one off and or greet them? It was only 10 years ago, yet it seems like a lifetime.

I’m turning 29 in a few weeks and I’m ready to greet this Birthday with open arms, even though I would much rather speed through the next year and just be 30 already. My 20’s have been less than desirable. Looking back, there isn’t anything I can pin point where I think “Man, that was just awesome, let me re-live that.” Ha, nope. Not even a little bit. My 20’s have been filled with a lot of growing pains. A lot of lessons learned and hopefully, I am a stronger and wiser woman because of it all. I hope that someday when I’m 80, I can look back to this decade and just laugh. They say life gets better with age, and I’m hoping “they” are right.

Zumba has been AMAZING. I am so thankful that I am able to take 4 classes a week (3 for free!!). It has really helped me “Deal” with everything has been going on in a more healthy manner. Normally, I would just eat my feelings, but instead I am sweating pounds off and channeling my anger towards making me healthier. I have really made a great new friend (Bernice) who just happens to be the amazing woman who offered me to take her classes for free. She’s wonderful. So encouraging, motivating, energetic and just an all around good person. Her classes don’t even seem like exercise, it truly is a dance party!! I LOVE IT. The other day we were talking about things. I told her that I have accepted the fact that I will never be skinny. It’s just not in the cards for me but I just want to be healthy, more toned. Do I want to lose 50 lbs??! Of course I do, but I am satisfied and proud of the fact that I am actively pursuing a healthier lifestyle. If I lose the weight, I consider it bonus. But for now, I am just focused on taking better care of me. That’s when she told me “Jessica, you are truly beautiful just the way you are.” Why is it when someone tells you are beautiful, you don’t believe them?? I’m learning to accept compliments and say thank you even though it is really hard for me to do. I’m just hoping someday I’ll actually be at a place where I can believe the compliments as truth for myself. I’m getting there.

Dream Big

When I said last week that I wanted to go to Africa, I meant it. Ever since I made the decision that someday, some how, I would be making the trip to Africa, I have been obsessed with this website. They are an organization that helps rehab abandoned, injured, or rejected wildlife. O.M.G. The pictures are beyond description. I look at them and I literally feel my soul burn with passion and excitement. I look at the eyes of lionesses, and their cubs and I ache. I see the expressions of the monkeys and my heart melts. I can’t describe the passion I have for animals, but it’s just there. God made me this way and I can’t dismiss it. I feel God calling me to this place. I feel it. I can taste it. I want it. I will do whatever it takes to get there. The biggest set back is the affordability, but where there is a will, there is a way. I always DREAM BIG and I will be in Africa, soon!! I found this letter on their website from a volunteer who recently visited. I cried after reading it because that is exactly how I feel, and I haven’t even experienced this yet. Ooohhh boy, I feel a huge change a coming and I can hardly stand the anticipation!!

Singleness

I hosted Mother’s Day brunch at my new apartment on Sunday. Overall I feel it was a success. I secretly like to entertain, but haven’t quite mastered the cooking part yet. I’m learning, and TRYING to cook more but it’s hard to cook for one. As I was waiting for my guests to arrive, I was browsing through Facebook and was seeing all of the posts giving shout outs and praises to their Mom’s, Wives, Grandma’s, Aunts, etc… I smiled but then I got a little sad. I had another moment in realizing my singleness and it stung my fragile little heart.

As a single girl, there isn’t a day dedicated to YOU. Birthday’s don’t count as everyone has a Birthday. There are showers thrown for wedding’s and babies, and a whole day dedicated to being a Mom, and Dad, but there isn’t a day that celebrates being single. As a single girl, you never get a card in the mail saying “Congrats on being single.” There isn’t a shower thrown in your honor because you are single. It’s rather depressing. As much as I love showing appreciation for my parents and grandparents, and celebrating milestones in my close friends lives with their weddings, and babies, can I just complain for a short time and say that there isn’t a day dedicated to the single lady (or guy)!!

For some, being single is a choice but for me, it is not a choice. For whatever reason, God hasn’t seen it fit for me to experience that joy and happiness yet. It hurts. I get angry. I get upset and frustrated. I try to put myself out there only to be trampled on again and again. It’s tough being a single girl, and the older you get, the harder it gets. Yes, I may be complaining but I’m entitled to that. I’m entitled to feel a little left out when it comes to certain “life experiences.” There are days when I feel like I no longer have anything in common with some of my friends because we are just at totally different stages in life. Some friends have even made comments saying “Jess, I wish I was still single, enjoy it.” I just shake my head and disbelief because being single ISN’T all Carrie Bradshaw and wild crazy nights of dating. A majority of the time you are lonely. You go home to an empty place, eat dinner by yourself, watch bad tv alone, go for a walk alone, go to bed alone, wake up alone. Why on earth would anyone want to wish that type of life? I don’t want make people believe that my life is miserable, because it isn’t. I keep myself very busy, and I have been blessed with some great friends and family, but at the end of the day its all too routine and extremely lonely. On the other end of things, I realize that marriage and kids is no bed of roses. There are tough days, really tough days but all I am asking for and truly desiring is a chance to truly smell those roses. I want to experience that blessing because I truly feel that is what life is all about.

I would give anything, ANYTHING to become a member of the elite Wife/Mom club. I would give anything to have someone to go home to, make dinner for, go on walks together, discuss our days, fall asleep and wake up next to. I would give anything to have a little child depend on me for absolutely everything. For me to be able to steal those morning snuggles and kisses, and wipe their tears when they are sad or hurt. I would give anything to hear the words “I love you, Jessica/Mommy.” Anything. I just hope that God hears my prayer, or if it is His will, have him change my hearts desire. We were never meant to live this life alone, so I am holding onto to that truth. That someday my wildest dreams will become reality. That someday I can look back at this and feel so foolish for being so impatient. I will be forever grateful when my someday becomes today.

Here kitty kitty kitty

It's hard to really describe my love for animals. It all started when I was very young...



Some would say it's genetic as on my Mom's side, they all have a very soft spot in their hearts for animals, and I am no exception. Often times I have more compassion and heart for animals than I do humans. It's probably crazy of me to think this way, let alone say it aloud, but it's true. God made me this way and perhaps it is one of my gifts?

I went to go see African Cats last night, and by myself none the less. Disney Nature has been doing special Earth Day documentaries the last few years and this one was by far my favorite, for obvious reasons... CATS! It was a very touching and often sad true stories of 2 Cats families living in the Savannah in Kenya, Africa. The landscape was breath taking. Truly remarkable and I felt my heart swell with passion and excitement. I need to go there. I need to see it. I need to experience it in person. I've added it to my bucket list of things I need and will do before I die. I recommend anyone to see this movie, but wouldn't suggest young children see it as there are some "Violent" circle of life moments and it may be hard to watch.



I can't wait until next Earth Day to see this...



OMG. I about died when I saw this preview last night. I can't stand it. Such precious cuteness.

Rejection/Motivation

I don’t think anyone ever really gets use to being rejected. Life has many disappointments and with each lesson, your heart and ego sting just a little bit more. I didn’t get the job that I interviewed for a few weeks ago. I’m actually at peace with the decision, as looking back at who I would’ve been reporting too, and a conversation we had the day I interviewed, I think I would’ve been constantly struggling to be “Good Enough” for him. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes not getting something is a blessing in disguise. I still can’t help but feel a sense of rejection though. I think that is a completely normal and human thing to feel, so I’m letting myself feel it.

I went against my better judgment and attempted to ask Brian (Softball guy) out on Saturday afternoon as per the conversation we had the week prior, he asked me if we could hang out soon. Since I hadn’t heard from him in a week, I thought I would make the first move, show that I was still interested. No harm in that? Wrong. He said he was “Hanging with HIS lady.” Ouch. That hurt, no it burned. I was let down, but the more I thought about it the more I got upset. Why did he even bother contacting me and asking me to hang out if he didn’t really mean it? Why did he give me his number and say he would be in touch soon if he didn’t really mean it. Why be polite?? F being polite, be real!! I have to put a little blame on myself though. I got my hopes up and they were crushed back down to reality, again. Lesson learned. Expect nothing, and you wont ever be disappointed.

Enough with the negative Debbie downer talk of rejection, I have some exciting news! I am going on a much needed and deserved vacation the week of my Birthday! My friend Ali and I are going to Miami leaving May 31st and coming back on June 3rd which is my actual Birthday. I’m REALLY excited!! It’s been far too long since I’ve gone anywhere and let’s face it, I’ve had one hell of a year and deserve a little get away, right? We are staying at The Bentley. OOOOOoooo, Ahhhh! A little (a lot) expensive, but I’m worth it and it will be worth it. From now until May 31st, I am on sexy mamacita mode. I’ve fallen off the diet wagon hard core when it comes to my health and weight. I’ve been dragging my feet at getting back into a routine again and now I have all the motivation in the world… Miami!! Thanks to my AWESOME Zumba instructor, I will be taking 5 Zumba classes a week!!!!! Yes, please!!! She is intense and pushes you to your max, which is what I need. My hope is to loose 10-15 lbs in 4 weeks. A little crazy, but totally doable if I really push myself. I am staying strict with my diet, and working my tush off BIG time!! My hope is once Miami has come and gone that I will continue to stay on track and really embrace the life change of being healthier. Food has always been my comfort. Food has always been my friend but I can’t keep using it as a crutch. Only I have the power to change, and I hope I have reached my breaking point of enough being enough. I AM so much more than just a pretty face and it’s time for the world to see the change that is burning inside my soul just aching to get out.