A new year, a new beginning, a new chapter I am so ready and eager to open. Usually the fear of the unknown paralyzes me, however I have never been more excited for a New Year than I am for this one.
Here are some things I plan to work on in the coming year and also some things I am looking forward to:
Attending Church More: I don't think you necessarily need to go to Church every Sunday to be considered a "Good Christian" but this is something that I have been lacking in my life. I will fully admit that I have turned my back on God, especially in the past 5 years and then I wonder why my life seems to be disarray 90% of the time?! Shame on me. I've been listening to that little voice inside my heart and have started attending Church again and reading scripture. Funny how God never turns His back on you and even when we turn away from Him. He remains the same and welcomes you back with open arms. I'm not going to say that I'm completely healed from all the pains in my life. In fact, right now I still feel so icky. I am broken in more ways than one but I have complete faith that soon I will be back to the Miss Jess that everyone loves and more importantly, the Jess that people WANT to be around. I don't even like my own company and can't imagine my friends and loved ones enjoy it either. It feels good to have this part of my life back but still feel like a fish out of water. I'm trying to find some air along with finding my way, again. I plan to continue to attend Church and seek out other Churches close by and hopefully find my perfect home and become a member.
Volunteer: Not because I need to, but because I want to. Animals have always been important part of my life. As painful as it will be to volunteer at the Humane Society, I think it's important for me to give my time, love, and attention to animals who desperately need it. Just pray that I don't end up going home with 10 cats and 10 dogs. Sigh. Have I mentioned that my absolute dream is to open up a Pet Rescue/Pet Daycare?! Winning a multi million dollar Powerball would be so helpful in accomplishing that dream! I guess in order to win, I should play. I can think of better things to spend my money on than the Powerball.
I turn the big 3-0 in June!! I think I may be the only one in my group of friends who is actually looking forward to this milestone. I'm so ready to bid farewell to my 20's. Though there were some good times, it was mostly filled with painful growing pains and many difficult lessons learned. I can honestly say that there isn't anything in the last decade that makes me say "Man, that was awesome... can I do that again?!" Nope. Not even a little bit. I don't think I am bitter or jaded because of it either. I like to say that I'm "seasoned" when it comes to life. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I think I can say I've done a good job kicking butt when life has knocked me down. Here's hoping that the next decade will bring bigger, better, and brighter things! I think I'm overdue, no?
Another vacation? I sure hope so. I have a friend who lives in Hawaii and have been contemplating going and visiting her. Airfare is insane so I'm hoping that it will go down to a reasonable price and I will book. I have a sneaking suspicion that once I am there, I wont want to leave. I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I just stayed there forever now, would it? Nope. I don't think so either.
Take a Creative Writing Class: I love to write. To me it's therapy. I have so many thoughts about many things in life and feel safe to say those things, here. I would love to take a creative writing class to expand my horizon's and tap into more creative thinking. I feel I still have so much I want to share but not quite sure how to go about putting my thoughts into creative words. I know there are several online classes available but I would really like to go to an actual physical class. Some days I miss school. I think being surrounded by similar peeps would be good for me. Thoughts? Suggestions? Wanna join me?!
Pay off all unnecessary Debt: Yes, I still have debt. Ugh. Up until now, I have just accepted that debt is going to be a part of my life forever. It doesn't have to be that way though. I have two credit cards I want to pay off, and also one student loan I want pay off this year. It's totally achievable if I discipline myself, stick to my budget, and follow through. I've done it before, and I know I can and will do it again.
Last but not least, I will continue to strive to be the best version of me I can be. I'm a work in progress and will never give up on myself, on my hopes, on my dreams.
This will be my last post of 2011. Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you who follow me publicly and also in secret. :) You all are such a blessing to me. Cheers to a very Happy and Bright New Year! The best is yet to come and I am confident that 2012 will be filled with wonderful things!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Musical Therapy
This break up is really kicking my a$$. I truly hate that it consumes my mind, my thoughts, my emotions. A friend of mine told me the other day "Just don't let this situation take away your joy." Sigh. She's right... I am letting it. So, in an effort to move forward I thought I would share with you some of my favorite break up songs. Cast your vote for your favorite and share your own favorite that you think I should include in my "Break ups SUCK" playlist. :)
Beyonce "Single Ladies"
What can I say... she be fierce!
Lady Gaga "Bad Romance"
This video freaks me out a bit but I like the song.
Adele "Rolling In the Deep"
"Turn my sorrow into treasured gold, you pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow"
Gloria Gaynor "I Will Survive"
Oldie but a goodie
Beyonce "Irreplaceable"
"To the left, to the left." Yes, she is on here twice. Beyonce knows a good break up song.
E for Explosion "This Is Me Being Honest"
Even with all of the "I hate what you did to me" break up songs, at the end of the day, I still feel sad and hurt. This song pretty much sums everything up on how I feel RIGHT NOW. Oh how I wish a had a fast forward button to get to the point where it doesn't hurt anymore. I guess I can take comfort in knowning that I am one day closer to that point than I was yesterday.
Beyonce "Single Ladies"
What can I say... she be fierce!
Lady Gaga "Bad Romance"
This video freaks me out a bit but I like the song.
Adele "Rolling In the Deep"
"Turn my sorrow into treasured gold, you pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow"
Gloria Gaynor "I Will Survive"
Oldie but a goodie
Beyonce "Irreplaceable"
"To the left, to the left." Yes, she is on here twice. Beyonce knows a good break up song.
E for Explosion "This Is Me Being Honest"
Even with all of the "I hate what you did to me" break up songs, at the end of the day, I still feel sad and hurt. This song pretty much sums everything up on how I feel RIGHT NOW. Oh how I wish a had a fast forward button to get to the point where it doesn't hurt anymore. I guess I can take comfort in knowning that I am one day closer to that point than I was yesterday.
Monday, December 19, 2011
My Christmas Card
2011 Lessons Learned
1. Sometimes life isn't fair. It isn't always rainbows and butterflies and often doesn't have a giant red bow attached, but life is still a gift.
2. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish but it doesn't mean you have to be rude or inconsiderate. Knowing the difference has gotten me far in life.
3. I should never EVER apologize for how I feel, ever.
3. Making peace with my past is important so I wont continue to mess up my present and more importantly, my future.
4. Sometimes all I can really can do is breathe in and breathe out and knowing that this too, shall pass.
5. God gave me this life because He knew I was strong enough to endure it.
6. In the end, what matters the most is knowing that I love, and I am loved.
7. Time heals all wounds. But it's a process. I am learning to give time, time.
8. Crying with someone is a lot more healing than crying alone.
9. Being angry with God isn't a sin. He expects it and can handle it. He is a God that gives and also takes away. No need to question His will. His plans are way bigger and better than anything I had in mind anyway.
10. Envy is a waste of time. Comparing myself to others will get me no where. We all have different walks in life. I just need to focus on my own path and it will get me where I need to be.
11. If a relationship needs to be a secret than it isn't worth being in. As one of my good friends once said "Jess, you are ANYTHING but quiet."
12. Communication is key to any and all relationships.
13. God knew what he was doing when He chose my family.
14. True friends are a dime a dozen. I consider myself rich in my friendships.
15. Learning patience isn't punishment.
16. It's never too late to be the person I was always meant to be.
17. My intuition is usually always right.
18. I need to listen to my head and gut more than my heart. My heart tends to get me in trouble.
19. There is always 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth. The truth always finds it's way out eventually.
20. Never settle. The best isn't too good for me.
21. Anything worth having in life is worth fighting for.
22. I have to believe to receive.
23. A lot of things in life I can't control BUT I can control how I react.
24. Things can change in a blink of an eye but a comforting truth is knowing that God never blinks.
25. Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that matters. I will never lose Hope.
2. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish but it doesn't mean you have to be rude or inconsiderate. Knowing the difference has gotten me far in life.
3. I should never EVER apologize for how I feel, ever.
3. Making peace with my past is important so I wont continue to mess up my present and more importantly, my future.
4. Sometimes all I can really can do is breathe in and breathe out and knowing that this too, shall pass.
5. God gave me this life because He knew I was strong enough to endure it.
6. In the end, what matters the most is knowing that I love, and I am loved.
7. Time heals all wounds. But it's a process. I am learning to give time, time.
8. Crying with someone is a lot more healing than crying alone.
9. Being angry with God isn't a sin. He expects it and can handle it. He is a God that gives and also takes away. No need to question His will. His plans are way bigger and better than anything I had in mind anyway.
10. Envy is a waste of time. Comparing myself to others will get me no where. We all have different walks in life. I just need to focus on my own path and it will get me where I need to be.
11. If a relationship needs to be a secret than it isn't worth being in. As one of my good friends once said "Jess, you are ANYTHING but quiet."
12. Communication is key to any and all relationships.
13. God knew what he was doing when He chose my family.
14. True friends are a dime a dozen. I consider myself rich in my friendships.
15. Learning patience isn't punishment.
16. It's never too late to be the person I was always meant to be.
17. My intuition is usually always right.
18. I need to listen to my head and gut more than my heart. My heart tends to get me in trouble.
19. There is always 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth. The truth always finds it's way out eventually.
20. Never settle. The best isn't too good for me.
21. Anything worth having in life is worth fighting for.
22. I have to believe to receive.
23. A lot of things in life I can't control BUT I can control how I react.
24. Things can change in a blink of an eye but a comforting truth is knowing that God never blinks.
25. Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that matters. I will never lose Hope.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Christmas Favorites
It's hard to believe that Christmas Eve is 10 days away. As cliche as it sounds, each year seems to go by faster than the one before. I thought I would take a moment and share with you some of my favorite Christmas memories, traditions, and also songs.
I believed in Santa until I was about 8 years old. He still comes and visits each year though as I am still a good girl. :)
My Mom and I take a weekend each December and make cookies together. Well, she bakes, I sit back and watch and taste test for her. It works out well.
Christmas Eve is spent up at my Grandma's in Pine City with my Mom's side of the family. We typically spend the day grazing on munchie foods, playing cards, watching TV, and just annoying I mean enjoying each others company. We have an actual sit down meal for dinner which consists of Swedish Meatballs, mashed potatoes, rolls, veggies, and of course, dessert. I wouldn't want my Christmas Eve meal to be any other way.
Christmas Day is spent with my Dad's side of the family. Breakfast in the morning, presents, late lunch/dinner in the afternoon. Basically eating, eating, and more eating.
One of my favorite Christmas memories was back in 1995. My parents had us believe that Christmas was going to be smaller that year meaning no real presents, no Christmas Tree, just a nice meal as a family together. My brother and I were 13 and 9 years old. Hearing that there wasn't going to be a true Christmas was heartbreaking, but we both took it like champs. A week after Christmas, my parents ended up surprising us both with a trip to Disney at 4am. My mom created a book and recorded a little poem as we read through it. At the end of the book there were tickets to Disney and our flight was leaving in 3 hours. This was all recorded on video as well. As you can imagine... my brother and I were ecstatic. I remember taking a shower that morning and was shaking with excitement. It was the first real and also last vacation my family took together before my parents split up and eventually divorced. A very bittersweet memory but a Christmas memory I will never forget.
Tradition is important to me and my family. Tradition = making memories and I plan on carrying on these family traditions along with creating some of my own when I do get married and start having a family of my own. My heart smiles just thinking about those possibilities.
Now I leave you with 2 of my favorite Christmas Songs and of course, a clip from Buddy the Elf. The greatest Christmas movie, ever.
Someday, I would love to spend Christmas in Hawaii! That would be a very Mele Kalikimaka time! P.S. I love Bing Crosby.
I saw this movie for the first time last year. I know, where have I been? It instantly became a Christmas favorite... that, and Love Actually and of course, Christmas Vacation.
My absolute favorite Christmas Hymn is O Holy Night. I think Carrie Underwood sings a pretty good version of it. I always get goosebumps when I hear
"Fall on your knees!
Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine,
O night when Christ was born"
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
I believed in Santa until I was about 8 years old. He still comes and visits each year though as I am still a good girl. :)
My Mom and I take a weekend each December and make cookies together. Well, she bakes, I sit back and watch and taste test for her. It works out well.
Christmas Eve is spent up at my Grandma's in Pine City with my Mom's side of the family. We typically spend the day grazing on munchie foods, playing cards, watching TV, and just annoying I mean enjoying each others company. We have an actual sit down meal for dinner which consists of Swedish Meatballs, mashed potatoes, rolls, veggies, and of course, dessert. I wouldn't want my Christmas Eve meal to be any other way.
Christmas Day is spent with my Dad's side of the family. Breakfast in the morning, presents, late lunch/dinner in the afternoon. Basically eating, eating, and more eating.
One of my favorite Christmas memories was back in 1995. My parents had us believe that Christmas was going to be smaller that year meaning no real presents, no Christmas Tree, just a nice meal as a family together. My brother and I were 13 and 9 years old. Hearing that there wasn't going to be a true Christmas was heartbreaking, but we both took it like champs. A week after Christmas, my parents ended up surprising us both with a trip to Disney at 4am. My mom created a book and recorded a little poem as we read through it. At the end of the book there were tickets to Disney and our flight was leaving in 3 hours. This was all recorded on video as well. As you can imagine... my brother and I were ecstatic. I remember taking a shower that morning and was shaking with excitement. It was the first real and also last vacation my family took together before my parents split up and eventually divorced. A very bittersweet memory but a Christmas memory I will never forget.
Tradition is important to me and my family. Tradition = making memories and I plan on carrying on these family traditions along with creating some of my own when I do get married and start having a family of my own. My heart smiles just thinking about those possibilities.
Now I leave you with 2 of my favorite Christmas Songs and of course, a clip from Buddy the Elf. The greatest Christmas movie, ever.
Someday, I would love to spend Christmas in Hawaii! That would be a very Mele Kalikimaka time! P.S. I love Bing Crosby.
I saw this movie for the first time last year. I know, where have I been? It instantly became a Christmas favorite... that, and Love Actually and of course, Christmas Vacation.
My absolute favorite Christmas Hymn is O Holy Night. I think Carrie Underwood sings a pretty good version of it. I always get goosebumps when I hear
"Fall on your knees!
Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine,
O night when Christ was born"
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Unplug
"Jess, why did you defriend me?" Haha... I just have to laugh. I didn't defriend anyone, I just decided to unplug from Social Media for awhile, perhaps forever. Both Facebook and Twitter accounts have been closed and you know what... I don't miss it. I only have my Blog and Google + (Not quite sure what to think about the Google+ yet. Not many people are in my "Circles" and I'm ok with that.)
We live in a world where technology can be a blessing but also a burden. It can bring people together but on the flip side, it can and does tear people apart. I have experienced this first hand in my most recent relationship and break up. The Internet brought us together through a dating site and the Internet is the catalyst that tore us apart via Twitter no less. An innocent, heart felt, sincere "Tweet" turned into a month long silent battle. We were fighting yet no words were exchanged, only silence which quite possibly is worse than no words at all. Communication is key to any relationship yet we live in a world where no one is truly communicating anymore. Emails have replaced real letters. Texts have replaced phone calls. Tweets and impersonal messages on "Walls" have replaced true connections with people we truly care about. What ever happened to actual, face to face contact and communication? I can not tell you how many times I have been out with friends or on a date no less where the distraction of ones phone has interrupted a conversation. Apparently checking in on Facebook, or sending a Tweet or Text is more important than checking in with a friend, family member, or date. Nobody is "Present" anymore.
I decided to unplug from Social Media because I didn't like who I was becoming. I too was sucked into its vortex and at one point WAS that person who felt it necessary to check Facebook and update my status, or Tweet, or Text while out with a friend or loved one. I was also finding myself while "Catching up" on friends pages that I would become jealous of their lives. Babies, rings, and other little things prompted me to start to compare my life with theirs. It wasn't healthy. Then, dealing with a break up, that news travels fast and I didn't want my NEWS to be spread all over the Internet. Though people mean well and want to be supportive, I didn't want hurtful words to be said and then be seen by the one who I still care about.
So that is the reason behind my unplugging from Social Media. Maybe I will be back, maybe not. Right now I plan on focusing my energy on truly reconnecting with my friends, family and ones I care about the most. No better time than now.
We live in a world where technology can be a blessing but also a burden. It can bring people together but on the flip side, it can and does tear people apart. I have experienced this first hand in my most recent relationship and break up. The Internet brought us together through a dating site and the Internet is the catalyst that tore us apart via Twitter no less. An innocent, heart felt, sincere "Tweet" turned into a month long silent battle. We were fighting yet no words were exchanged, only silence which quite possibly is worse than no words at all. Communication is key to any relationship yet we live in a world where no one is truly communicating anymore. Emails have replaced real letters. Texts have replaced phone calls. Tweets and impersonal messages on "Walls" have replaced true connections with people we truly care about. What ever happened to actual, face to face contact and communication? I can not tell you how many times I have been out with friends or on a date no less where the distraction of ones phone has interrupted a conversation. Apparently checking in on Facebook, or sending a Tweet or Text is more important than checking in with a friend, family member, or date. Nobody is "Present" anymore.
I decided to unplug from Social Media because I didn't like who I was becoming. I too was sucked into its vortex and at one point WAS that person who felt it necessary to check Facebook and update my status, or Tweet, or Text while out with a friend or loved one. I was also finding myself while "Catching up" on friends pages that I would become jealous of their lives. Babies, rings, and other little things prompted me to start to compare my life with theirs. It wasn't healthy. Then, dealing with a break up, that news travels fast and I didn't want my NEWS to be spread all over the Internet. Though people mean well and want to be supportive, I didn't want hurtful words to be said and then be seen by the one who I still care about.
So that is the reason behind my unplugging from Social Media. Maybe I will be back, maybe not. Right now I plan on focusing my energy on truly reconnecting with my friends, family and ones I care about the most. No better time than now.
Monday, December 12, 2011
2011 Reflections
2011 is coming to a close. Another year, another chapter I'm a happy to close while still eagerly hopeful for good things to come in 2012. I thought it would be a good time to reflect back on the 2011 "Things to work on" list and see how I did.
1. Being nicer to myself: I would have to say, I have made tremendous strides in this area. As someone who has always struggled with not feeling good enough, smart enough, capable enough, I have proven to myself that I can and do get through anything life throws at me. I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. People, even acquaintances have made comments on how self aware I am and also how aware I am of others around me. A quality that a lot of people apparently lack? Yes, I am very self aware. I lead my life with my heart and though sometimes it gets me in trouble, and often hurt, I still remain hopeful. I don't give up. I keep pushing forward. I'm learning that even though things don't always pan out the way I hoped for, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. I am Jessica. I am a beautiful person inside and out and anyone who doesn't realize, appreciate or respect that fact, isn't worth having in my life. The 5 years ago Jess wouldn't have been able to say these things. That my friends, is called growth.
2. Learning the power of "No.": The biggest life changing decision I have made thus far was deciding to let my Condo go. It was a decision I did not take lightly. For a long time I felt like a failure. I felt like a deadbeat homeowner who was just walking away from her responsibilities. Looking back, as painful and heart breaking of a decision that was, I took ownership for myself, my life, and my safety. I told the bank, and also the world "No!" I was not going to tolerate living in a home where I did not feel safe. I also learned the power of the word "No" in many of my relationships with friends, co-workers, and even romantic relationships. Being a total people pleaser, this was and has been an incredibly difficult growing pain for me to endure but one that is necessary for me to grow, and move on in life. I have learned that I do not need to bear the weight of constant sacrifice, compromise and most importantly settling for less than I deserve. Saying "No! This is not ok," is really telling myself "Yes, Jess... you really ARE worth so much more." I am learning to love and respect myself more. This is huge progress for me. I am proud of myself for realizing this. I came across the quote a few weeks ago. "It takes 20 seconds of courage and I promise you, something good will come out of it." Very true. So very very true.
3. Taking a Vacation: Well, I did it! I managed to take a mini vacation to Miami in May! It was much needed and long overdue. I look forward to taking another vacation hopefully next year as well. I find that actually leaving the state is necessary and therapeutic. Sometimes its nice just to escape your reality and absorb a new world for a brief moment. I hope to visit Miami again, soon.
4. Not working as much: Yes, I still work full time, part time, and pet sit on the side. Looking back on the past year and how much I was working outside of my full time job, those days have dropped dramatically. Again, learning the power of "No" when people ask me to pet sit or work their shift. Sometimes it was hard for me to do, because I was think "Oh, the money would be so nice to have." But then, realizing that "No, making memories with those who I truly love and care for is more important." You can't put a price on that.
5. Looking forward, not back: I still struggle with this. I have a hard time letting go. I still will play mind games with myself saying "If only I wouldn't have done this, or said this, or done that... things would be different." Truth is, life happens and you can't change it. Good or bad, God has a plan and He allows things to happen for a reason. Why should I carry around the worry or guilt if things don't go as planned or that you wished for a better outcome? My prayers lately are all about letting go, and letting God. I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. As humans, we want to be in control. Realizing that I can't control a lot of what life throws at me is the first step, but also realizing I CAN control how I react and move forward is freeing. My only hope right now is that God will continue to work on my heart and that I will learn to trust on Him for EVERYTHING. I have said this before and will say it again, God has a way of breaking you down so He can rebuild. His mercies are never ending. Thank Goodness that each day is a new beginning. A blank slate. Oh, how I'm thankful for that.
So there you have it. My reflections of 2011. I think I did pretty good. I have a lot to be thankful for. God is good, all the time.
1. Being nicer to myself: I would have to say, I have made tremendous strides in this area. As someone who has always struggled with not feeling good enough, smart enough, capable enough, I have proven to myself that I can and do get through anything life throws at me. I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. People, even acquaintances have made comments on how self aware I am and also how aware I am of others around me. A quality that a lot of people apparently lack? Yes, I am very self aware. I lead my life with my heart and though sometimes it gets me in trouble, and often hurt, I still remain hopeful. I don't give up. I keep pushing forward. I'm learning that even though things don't always pan out the way I hoped for, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. I am Jessica. I am a beautiful person inside and out and anyone who doesn't realize, appreciate or respect that fact, isn't worth having in my life. The 5 years ago Jess wouldn't have been able to say these things. That my friends, is called growth.
2. Learning the power of "No.": The biggest life changing decision I have made thus far was deciding to let my Condo go. It was a decision I did not take lightly. For a long time I felt like a failure. I felt like a deadbeat homeowner who was just walking away from her responsibilities. Looking back, as painful and heart breaking of a decision that was, I took ownership for myself, my life, and my safety. I told the bank, and also the world "No!" I was not going to tolerate living in a home where I did not feel safe. I also learned the power of the word "No" in many of my relationships with friends, co-workers, and even romantic relationships. Being a total people pleaser, this was and has been an incredibly difficult growing pain for me to endure but one that is necessary for me to grow, and move on in life. I have learned that I do not need to bear the weight of constant sacrifice, compromise and most importantly settling for less than I deserve. Saying "No! This is not ok," is really telling myself "Yes, Jess... you really ARE worth so much more." I am learning to love and respect myself more. This is huge progress for me. I am proud of myself for realizing this. I came across the quote a few weeks ago. "It takes 20 seconds of courage and I promise you, something good will come out of it." Very true. So very very true.
3. Taking a Vacation: Well, I did it! I managed to take a mini vacation to Miami in May! It was much needed and long overdue. I look forward to taking another vacation hopefully next year as well. I find that actually leaving the state is necessary and therapeutic. Sometimes its nice just to escape your reality and absorb a new world for a brief moment. I hope to visit Miami again, soon.
4. Not working as much: Yes, I still work full time, part time, and pet sit on the side. Looking back on the past year and how much I was working outside of my full time job, those days have dropped dramatically. Again, learning the power of "No" when people ask me to pet sit or work their shift. Sometimes it was hard for me to do, because I was think "Oh, the money would be so nice to have." But then, realizing that "No, making memories with those who I truly love and care for is more important." You can't put a price on that.
5. Looking forward, not back: I still struggle with this. I have a hard time letting go. I still will play mind games with myself saying "If only I wouldn't have done this, or said this, or done that... things would be different." Truth is, life happens and you can't change it. Good or bad, God has a plan and He allows things to happen for a reason. Why should I carry around the worry or guilt if things don't go as planned or that you wished for a better outcome? My prayers lately are all about letting go, and letting God. I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. As humans, we want to be in control. Realizing that I can't control a lot of what life throws at me is the first step, but also realizing I CAN control how I react and move forward is freeing. My only hope right now is that God will continue to work on my heart and that I will learn to trust on Him for EVERYTHING. I have said this before and will say it again, God has a way of breaking you down so He can rebuild. His mercies are never ending. Thank Goodness that each day is a new beginning. A blank slate. Oh, how I'm thankful for that.
So there you have it. My reflections of 2011. I think I did pretty good. I have a lot to be thankful for. God is good, all the time.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
2 sides
My Dad is a Hockey referee. He's been reffing since he was a young kid and has managed to work his way up. He is in charge of the Hockey Association he is in and still officiates on a regular basis. He enjoys it. He craves it. He is good at it. I am proud of him and his accomplishments.
An unfortunate incident happened over the weekend where he had to intefere with an altercation between players. One of the players ended up falling and hitting his head supposedly causing a concussion. What was failed to be revealed is the player already had a concussion before this incident. My Dad is now being accused of assault and also causing the concussion. Ironically enough, one of the players on the has a parent who works for a Local News Station and snatched up the opportunity to have their 15 minutes of fame to tell THEIR diluted and skewed version of the truth. As you can imagine, this has caused insane ammounts of stress for my Dad. I found out about everything last night and everything went viral on the 10pm News. In effort to protect myself and also my Dad, I am not posting a link to the story.
Thoughts and prayers are much appreciated for my Dad right now. Though my relationship with him has been strained for years, I still love and care for him. It hurts me to see him hurt. He is my family and when a family member is being attacked, I want to and WILL protect them. He's a good guy, a good ref and is being crucified for doing his job. The News Station only told ONE side of the story. They did not have ALL of the facts. Shame on them for being crooked to "SELL" their news. My only hope is this will blow over in a few days. Besides, the world has much bigger things to worry about, like Kim Kardashian's Divorce. Please take a lesson in this... there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS 2 sides to every story. Always.
An unfortunate incident happened over the weekend where he had to intefere with an altercation between players. One of the players ended up falling and hitting his head supposedly causing a concussion. What was failed to be revealed is the player already had a concussion before this incident. My Dad is now being accused of assault and also causing the concussion. Ironically enough, one of the players on the has a parent who works for a Local News Station and snatched up the opportunity to have their 15 minutes of fame to tell THEIR diluted and skewed version of the truth. As you can imagine, this has caused insane ammounts of stress for my Dad. I found out about everything last night and everything went viral on the 10pm News. In effort to protect myself and also my Dad, I am not posting a link to the story.
Thoughts and prayers are much appreciated for my Dad right now. Though my relationship with him has been strained for years, I still love and care for him. It hurts me to see him hurt. He is my family and when a family member is being attacked, I want to and WILL protect them. He's a good guy, a good ref and is being crucified for doing his job. The News Station only told ONE side of the story. They did not have ALL of the facts. Shame on them for being crooked to "SELL" their news. My only hope is this will blow over in a few days. Besides, the world has much bigger things to worry about, like Kim Kardashian's Divorce. Please take a lesson in this... there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS 2 sides to every story. Always.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
In Between
"You're tough, Jess." Sure, that is a fair statement. I've been through a lot in my 29 years of life. Some good, some bad and a lot of in between. The past several weeks I've been exceptionally aware of my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions. I'm trying hard to smile but why fake something you just don't feel. Truth is, I'm hurting. Sometimes when people ask how I am doing, and I politely say "I'm ok" I secretly wish they would just hug me and say "No, you're not ok."
I've tried my best to keep busy. I'm surrounding myself with positive people, focusing my energy on constructive activities, and channeling my frustration with exercise. But at the end of the day, I am only alone with myself and my thoughts and sometimes they get the best of me.
My Mom sent me this quote the other day.
The will of God will never take you
where the Grace of God
will not protect you."
Trying to see the comfort in those words. Trying so hard to trust that God has a plan and purpose to turn this pain and hurt into something beautiful but still I just wait.
As I was blog hopping today, I came across these words:
"I'm not going to quit on
myself. The pain means I am getting
to where I want to be."
Though our pains are very different...She is referring to a training program, and I am trying to train and put back together my heart... the words were still powerful and meaningful none the less.
Instead of being "Tough" and "Strong" and "Better than this," I am going to allow myself to not fake being "Ok." I truly hate this in between feeling but I look forward to being able to smile again, and actually mean it.
I've tried my best to keep busy. I'm surrounding myself with positive people, focusing my energy on constructive activities, and channeling my frustration with exercise. But at the end of the day, I am only alone with myself and my thoughts and sometimes they get the best of me.
My Mom sent me this quote the other day.
The will of God will never take you
where the Grace of God
will not protect you."
Trying to see the comfort in those words. Trying so hard to trust that God has a plan and purpose to turn this pain and hurt into something beautiful but still I just wait.
As I was blog hopping today, I came across these words:
"I'm not going to quit on
myself. The pain means I am getting
to where I want to be."
Though our pains are very different...She is referring to a training program, and I am trying to train and put back together my heart... the words were still powerful and meaningful none the less.
Instead of being "Tough" and "Strong" and "Better than this," I am going to allow myself to not fake being "Ok." I truly hate this in between feeling but I look forward to being able to smile again, and actually mean it.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Friday Laughter
I think Target needs to evaluate their Black Friday Doorbuster items for next year? This is some much needed laughter. Happy Friday!
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