30 by 30: Weekly Update

Loss/Gain: +1
Total lost: -10.2
Pounds to lose until goal: 19.8
Activity: Walks. Lots and lots of walks!
Water Intake: Meh, not so great this week
Healthy Habits: Appetite is back! Eating more veggies! Walking over lunch for 30 minutes in addition to daily walks at night!
Emotional Weight Loss: Daily Devos & Soul Restoration Class

I gained a pound this week. Not really surprised seeing as I had the stomach flu last week and my appetite is finally back. Still within my 10 lbs loss though! Yipeeee!

I made the decision to stop doing Weight Watchers and going to meetings. If I wanted to be completely honest with myself, I wasn't really following the plan all to closely and I only went to a hand full of meetings. I felt like I was just wasting $45/month on nothing. I managed to lose 10lbs on my own and I am determined to keep going and reach my goals the old fashioned way by eating less and moving more. My Mom was "Disappointed" that I decided to quit. Why is it when you hear your parents are "Disappointed" in you that just breaks your heart and you feel like such a failure? I told her that I understand her disappointment but appreciate her support in my decision. I'm an adult after all. Not every decision I am going to make is going to please my parents but I am doing the best I can the best way I know how and right now I feel saving the $45 a month and using that money towards Zumba classes or another class is money better spent. My weight loss goals are MY weight loss goals. No one can achieve them for me but me. All I need right now is the love and support from family and friends. Some days are good, some days are bad but I keep moving forward. I keep living life. I keep choosing happiness.

Hunger Games

I'm ashamed to admit this as I usually try not to fall for the hype when it comes to books, movies etc... but I caved and read the Hunger Games and went to go and see the movie last night. True to form, the book was better. Everyone was raving about how wonderful the movie was and some even saw it more than once over the weekend. Sure, I wanted to see the movie, but wasn't about to plan my whole weekend existence around show times at a theater.

I knew after reading the back book cover that the story was dark and depressing. Kids are chosen at random to fight to the death and only one winner? C'mon... a little much don't you think? Seems like a kiddy version of Gladiators. The book and movie was definitely geared towards a younger audience. Though I never got into the Twilight Series (and WONT!) I saw a lot of similarities just within it's marketing and publicity. Now, I'm sure I am going to be chastised for saying this let alone thinking it, but I wasn't all that impressed with the movie. In fact, I was really rather appalled that it was only rated PG 13. It was probably the most violent PG 13 movie I've ever seen. Though there wasn't necessarily strong language, the fact that there are 12-18 year olds killing each other was a bit much for me to stomach. I scanned across the theater and noticed that the average age was high school/early college. They were kids there to watch kids kill kids. Heart breaking.

Unfortunately we live in a world where not only sex sells, but so does violence. But now we have reached a whole new level of violence... kids on kids. I'm not ok with this. Yes, it's only a book and make believe but I would be interested to sit down and have a talk with Ms. Suzanne Collins and try to understand what she was thinking when she wrote this book. Though I'm sure she never imagined it would ever become a movie, the whole concept and story line of the book is so dark. Was she just trying to sell a story or is there something deeper than her fiction?

Que Sera, Sera.

Saturday's date was great. Dinner at quaint Mom and Pop Italian restaurant followed by picking up some wine on the way home and enjoying the unseasonably warm weather on my patio. We ate, drank and were merry. Before we knew it, it was 2am. Both of us were tired, and probably a tad tipsy on wine but were so content and happy about the wonderful evening we enjoyed together that we didn't mind what the time was. He gave me a hug goodbye, I breathed in his scent and it gave me goosebumps. Probably more so than any first kiss ever has. It was warm, welcoming, genuine, and sincere. I wanted another one. I like him, he likes me. It's obvious but neither of us quite sure how we go past the friend zone. Que Sera, Sera. What will be, will be.

30 by 30: Weekly Update

Loss/Gain: -2. 9
Total lost: -11.2
Pounds to lose until goal: 18.8
Activity: Minimal unless you call having the stomach flu activity.
Water Intake: Gallons
Healthy Habits: Not much of an appetite
Emotional Weight Loss: Daily Devos & Soul Restoration Class

I am not sure how accurate my weight loss is this week seeing as I was sick with the stomach flu. Finally seem to be on the mend though and back to normal eating habits. I'll see what the scale reads NEXT week.

Besides being sick the past few weeks, things have been good, no really good!! Spring arrived early which ALWAYS makes me happy! We had our first Thunderstorm on Monday night and it was magical. It freaked Lulu out, but I sat by my window and enjoyed the light show and hearing the claps of thunder. I've been spending more time with "E" too. Wednesday we went for another walk which turned into dinner which turned into a 4 hour long talk. I think it's safe to say that we like each other but neither of us it quite sure how or if we want to move past the friend zone given that we are neighbors. It could be really great OR it could be not so great. For now I am just enjoying the new friendship and what is meant to be, will be. I'm taking him shopping tomorrow (per his request) to spruce up his apartment because as he says "It's in desperate need of a woman's touch." Hehehe... I can agree with that statement and will thoroughly enjoy spending his money to make his apartment a home. We are also planning on going out out tomorrow night too. I would say it's our first date/date. He's planning it. Should be fun. A little nervous but in a good way. To be continued...

That's all I have for ya'll today. Happy Friday!

How Great Thou Art

My Great Aunt passed away a few weeks ago. I was able to see her and say goodbye before she passed, so for that I am thankful. We had a Memorial Service for her last night. It was small, family only but you could feel the love and support in that tiny little chapel. During the service they played one of my all time favorite hymns "How Great Thou Art." Every time I hear it I can't help but tear up especially when I hear this verse:

When Christ shall come
With shout of acclamation
And take me home
What joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow
With humble adoration
And then proclaim My God
How great Thou art

Death doesn't scare me as it is only the beginning of a wonderful NEW life in Heaven. I have tremendous peace about my Great Aunt's passing as she truly is in a better place. A place of no more pain and suffering. She is able to walk, run, dance and be with the ones who have passed on before her. What a comforting thought!

Last year Carrie Underwood did an AMAZING version of How Great Thou Art. It still gives me goosebumps and this song will always bring tears of joy to my eyes. Enjoy!



Oh Lord my God
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds
Thy hands have made
I see the stars
I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power throughout
The universe displayed

Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art

When Christ shall come
With shout of acclamation
And take me home
What joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow
With humble adoration
And then proclaim My God
How great Thou art

Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Then sings my soul
My Savior, God, to Thee
How great Thou art
How great Thou art

How great Thou art
How great Thou art...

Sicky Sicky

I was finally on the mend from being sick last week, until yesterday morning at approximately 4am. Out of nowhere, I had the most horrific stomach flu. I tried to convince myself that I was ok. Even tried to take a shower but I couldn't hold it together and had no choice but to surrender to this flu. I sent off an email to work and thus began my intimate relationship with my toilet.

I sat on my bathroom floor yesterday morning in tears as my cat just stared at me and most likely was thinking to herself "Pull yourself together Mom... you look ridiculous!" For the most part, I CAN and DO take care of myself pretty well. I don't need anyone to take care of me but when I am sick, especially icky tummy sick, all I want is for someone to rub my back, pull my hair back, help me up off the floor etc... I just want to be taken care of. The stomach flu turns me into a whinny, needy, pathetic excuse for a human being. I tried texting some people who may have had the day off or could stop by on their way home to drop off some crackers, sprite, Gatorade... ANYTHING but all said "I would but don't want to get sick" or "I would but I'm busy." Sniff Sniff. I called my Mom twice, as if she could do anything... she was at work. So I just cried to her over the phone until she had to let me go to get back to work. I cried to Lucy... but she stayed as far away from me as possible. Don't blame her.

After spending my morning in tears on my bathroom floor and purging all of my insides out, I finally had enough and crawled my way back to bed and slept for 4 hours straight. I woke up and felt better but still completely weak and light headed. I had some water and a piece of bread. Went out on my deck and breathed in some fresh air (and also aired out my nasty sick flu clothes) Later that evening "E" stopped by with some saltine crackers. I smiled and also felt so embarassed as I looked like death (and probably smelled just as marvelous too.) I failed to mention that I got sick at the pet sitting place I was at the night before and E was going to check in on Lulu but when I woke up with the flu, I sent him a message to telling him to not worry as I would be home all day with her. His kindness touched my heart. He stayed for a good half hour and we talked as he played with Lulu beast kitty. It may be weird for me to say this but with him just BEING there, I felt better. Just the fact that he cared enough to stop by with crackers and cared enough to stay and talk speaks volumes of his character. Before he left he said "Keep Saturday night free so I can finally take you out." I just smiled and said "Ok!"

It's a choice

I've been sick the past 2 days. As crazy as this is going to sound, I think I may have gotten TOO much fresh air. My head is pounding, throat hurts, and sinuses are hatin' me right now. As much as I HEART Spring... Spring doesn't always heart me. With that said, I'm taking a pass on 30 by 30 update. Haven't had much of an appetite which means I most likely lost, but it wont be an accurate reading of my actual weight as I hope to be back to "normal" soon which means my appetite will be back etc... So... taking a pass this week.

I did want to call out something that I learned this week not only about myself but about life. It may seem simple to some, but for me it's something that I have struggled with for a LONG time. A LONG LONG LONG LONG time. I stayed home from work yesterday because I was feeling icky and worn down. I needed a rest day but noticed that my mind didn't want to rest... and it started to wander and think about things it shouldn't think about. I found myself getting sad. I started playing the what if game (which I always lose at!) I started thinking back on happy memories which then of course turned into me getting more upset because I kept saying "Why didn't it work out??! What's wrong with me??! What did I do wrong??! I should've been better!!" After about 10 minutes of torturing myself I said "Enough!" And chose happiness instead. I took a deep breath and smiled. Took enough deep breath and smiled again. It probably sounds silly... me staying home alone with my cat and just smiling randomly, but I'm telling you, it worked. The minute I stopped allowing myself to dwell and be sad and choose HAPPINESS and smile... I felt better. That my friends is progress. :-)

Besides being under the weather the past few days and my mini pity party episode yesterday... it's been a great week! Sunny skies, chirping birds, puddle jumping, and new budding friendships! :-) This girl can't really complain! She has way too much to be smile about and be thankful for to be anything but happy.

Puddles full of Promise

Spring has arrived. Today it is suppose to be 72 degrees and potential for 80 this weekend!! The snow is nearly gone. Lakes and rivers are starting to open up. Birds are so happy. Everyone you come across is smiling. It's amazing what the shift in weather can do with everyone's attitude. Miss Jess is VERY happy!

I got home from work yesterday and decided to skip my Zumba class and substitute it with a nice long walk. It was sunny and 60's yesterday. Pretty perfect. As I was throwing on my tennies, I get a text from "E"

E:"What a beautiful day!"

Me: "I'm just about to go for a walk, care to join me?"

E: "Would love to! Stop by when you're ready to head out."

Eeeeee. I had butterflies.

We went for a walk and talked. I got to know more about E and he got to know about me. It was nice. No pressure. Friendly. As we were walking I noticed that we were jumping over puddles. Jump, splish, jump, splash. It made me smile. Sometimes puddles can be filled with promise. A promise of a new friendship. A promise of many new beginnings. A promise of a new and brightly filled Spring.

It's Ok.

I feel extremely loved and supported. Between yesterday and this morning, I've received several emails, texts, phone calls wondering how my "Date" last night went. Warms my heart to know that so many people care, and are rooting for me in finding Mr. Right... unfortunately though our date never happened. He needed to cancel but plans to reschedule for another day.

Was I upset? Not at all. A part of me kind of expected it as my brain and heart are programed that THIS is normal for me. My Mom always taught me to expect nothing and I will never be disappointed. Maybe it's a jadded way of thinking but I like to think it's a way of protecting my heart from being let down or hurt. I have every faith that he will re-schedule for another time. He's my neighbor, after all. I see him nearly everyday. I actually saw him last night when I got home from work. We chatted for a few minutes. He even apologized for cancelling. No need to apologize. Sometimes life happens and plans need to be changed, rescheduled, or cancelled. I've been telling myself that maybe he was just too nervous at my awesomeness that he needed more time to get ready for going out with such a catch. : ) I'm choosing to think that way vs. assuming the worst. I'm choosing happiness... it's a better way of life.

It's ok... I'm ok. I'm better than ok. I'm GREAT.

Monday Musical Therapy

V V Brown: Shark In The Water



Catchy... emotionally fitting and empowering. Enjoy!

When you least expect it.

I have a neighbor who lives 2 doors down from me. We've been friendly towards each other in passing since he moved in a few months back. I always thought he was cute but never had enough courage to ask him if he was single or if he wanted to grab a drink sometime. (Truth be told, I'm actually very shy). A few weeks ago when I was in the middle of my pet sitting job, I came home to check in on my kitty and he was also coming home from work. We chatted and I mentioned that I was in the middle of my pet sitting job and it was hard splitting my time between the pet job and checking in on my cat. He offered to check in on her for me in the future. I thanked him for his kindness and told him I might take him up on that offer.

I have another pet sitting job coming up next week. It's only 4 days vs. 3 weeks so it will be easier to manage but instantly thought about "E's" offer. I wrote him a cute post it note that basically said: "Does your offer still stand on checking in on my beast kitty? If so, give me a call or stop by" I left my number. About an hour later I got a text from him and he stopped by after dinner. I showed him the ropes of taking care of Miss Lulu Kitty pants and then we ended up talking for a good 45 minutes afterwards. It was nice to actually talk/talk vs. just friendly hello's in passing. He left and we both went about our evenings.

About 10 minutes after he left I sent him a text thanking him for coming over to meet the beast and also thanked him for his willingness to check in on her while I am away for a few days. He responded with a friendly "No Problem" and mentioned how nice it was to actually talk/talk and if I would be interested in going out for a drink sometime. Sayyyyy whhhhhaaaaat?? Did he just ask me out??! For real? I couldn't help but smile from the inside out. I accepted his offer and we are planning to go out on Monday night after work. Eeeeee! Not getting my hopes up too high but I have to admit that it felt good to be asked out. If anything, it will be nice to have a new friend.

I also want to point out that "E" seems to be a pretty legit and genuine guy because when he came over last night, I looked like this:



Sweats, old grubby t shirt, and a hair all a mess. So sexy. Barf. Not. But he STILL asked me out. Brave guy. I assured him that I would wear REAL clothes on Monday. Oh crap... what am I going to wear?

Spring has Sprung early for Miss Jess! I'm hopeful and excited again! It feels so good.

30 by 30: Weekly Update

Loss/Gain: -2. 1
Total lost: 8. 3
Pounds to lose until goal: 21. 7
Activity: Zumba and Dates with the Treadmill
Water Intake: At least 32 oz a day.
Healthy Habits: Meh. Haven't been tracking the way I should.
Emotional Weight Loss: Daily Devos, Soul Restoration Class, Reading blogs like THIS & THIS

I lost 2.1 pounds this week!!! It's exciting to see those numbers go down vs. up. I had my first "Wow, I can tell I am loosing weight" moment on Tuesday night at Zumba. I was sitting on the floor waiting for the instructor to arrive and caught myself looking in the mirror and noticed that my face was slimmer. I still have a bit of a double chin but its going away. Also noticed that I have more shape and form to my body vs. a big blob of squishyness. I have hips vs. thips! My waist seems more defined too. I still have cankles but there is more muscle in those calves!Maybe it's all in my head but I can see a difference and hopefully soon others will see a difference too. It's always nice when people comment on how they can tell you are loosing weight. It's more motivation to keep going! I am also in desperate need of some new work pants as the ones I have now are too big. Such a great feeling. I may need to cave and buy some new clothes before my 10 lb goal though... it's that serious.

I found this video awhile back and thought it was so cute. Her name is Jessica... how ironic. She's inspiring to me. A reminder that I TOO am great, wonderful and can do anything good. Hope she brings a smile to your face too. Happy Friday!

Oh SO Good!!

I woke up this morning and felt happy again. Not sure how it happened or how I got here but it happened. Maybe it's the class I am taking. Maybe it's the fact that I am going to Church, reading my Bible, and praying again. Maybe it's other's praying for me. Or maybe it's just time for me to be choose happiness. Either way, it feels good. I can smile and mean it. I can laugh and feel joy. I want to be around people and socialize again. Whatever got me to this point, I am thankful and will cherish what this feeling feels like. Bad times in life are necessary so you can be thankful and enjoy the good times more when they come. For now, I am back in the good and it feels OH so good!

(Picture found via Pinterest)

Politics

Yesterday was Super Tuesday for the Republican candidates. Politics make me cringe. I find Politicians to be nothing more than people who over promise and severely under deliver. All they seem to do is argue and point the finger at the other party. During an election year they argue even more and dig up dirt to sabotage campaigns and ultimately lives. And these are the people we want leading our country? Sad.

There seems to be this unwritten law that says if you are a Christian, you need vote Republican because they are the "Most Christian" between the parties. I don't consider myself Democrat nor Republican. As I said before, politics make me cringe. I believe in peace. I believe in equality. I believe in freedom and that everyone has the right to pursue what makes THEM happy. Which ever candidate is going to offer or at least attempt to offer or improve those four things, I vote for.

There is something I need to get off my chest and I will probably get a lot of grief for having these thoughts/opinions but it is something I feel strongly about when it comes to some political issues.

Abortion: I am pro choice, but I choose life. The way I look at it is if a woman truly wants to terminate a pregnancy, she is going to find a way to do it whether it is legal or not. Though the thought of having an abortion myself or anyone choosing to makes me incredibly sad, I do feel that if a woman chooses that for themselves, than that is THEIR choice and any doubt or regret feelings she may have is between her and God. Perhaps we need to offer more support for these women going through such difficult situations, whether it was self inflicted or a victim of an unfortunate circumstance.

Homosexuality: I have built several friendships with people who are gay. In conversations with them I have quickly learned that when they say "I was born this way" it is in fact truth, for them. They have told me "Why on earth would I CHOOSE to be gay when we live in a world that is so unaccepting of this lifestyle." God loves ALL of his children... red and yellow, black and white... gay, straight, etc... Is it a sin to be gay? No more or less of a sin than anyone else commits each and every day. Sin is sin. Who are we to judge. I also believe that EVERYONE deserves equality no matter their race, age, sexual orientation. We are all human and deserve to be treated fairly.

Taxes: Ugh... I struggle with this. Should the rich be taxed higher because they can afford it? Should the poor be taxed at all? Should the middle class be the ones getting the tax breaks as they are the ones who truly keep the economy going? I believe there should be a flat tax. No matter how much you make you will be tax x% across the board. Taxes are a part of life. A flat tax would eliminate a lot of bickering as everyone would be equal.

Universal Health Care: Everyone deserves the right to have health care be available and affordable IF THEY CHOOSE. Making it mandatory? I don't agree with that, but I believe it should be available and affordable to anyone who needs/wants it.

Welfare: I believe in Government assistance... for a certain period of time and those who are using this assistance need to be finding ways to help themselves get back on their feet. We need to provide more programs for people to help them get back on their feet. If someone is needing help, it should be mandatory that they meet certain requirements to help, help themselves otherwise they are just taking advantage of the system and will continue to self destruct and teach others to follow suit.

Am I a bad person for having these view points? I have been told numerous times that I am not a Christian and I'm going to hell because I have these thoughts and opinions. People can be so blind. I believe that we have a God that loves us just as we are. He created us after all. Why must people put it upon themselves to caste judgement on others when clearly that is not our job. Our job is to coexist with one another, help one another, and most of all love one another.

Sailing

I had a dream last night that I was sailing. I was in a big white boat with white sails. I remember it being sunny with crystal clear blue skies. The weather quickly changed and I was in a middle of a bad storm. Waves were crashing against the boat. The sails began to rip and tear. The boat continued to rock back and forth, but it never tipped completely over. I remember being scared, cold, and wet. I woke up shivering and my throat hurt. Maybe I was screaming?

I'm one of those weirdos who think dreams actually mean something, so the curious side of me had to look up what it means to dream about sailing.

Sailing (Via Dream Dictionary)
To dream that you are sailing represents how your life is going and how you are able to handle life's problems.You are in control of your life. The dream may be metaphor that things are "smooth sailing." If you are sailing through the rough seas, then it means that you will overcome life's difficulties. If you are sailing against the wind, then it indicates that you are experiencing some struggles in your waking life.

Hmmm... interesting but still not convinced my google search gave me the answer I was looking/hoping for. Then, I remembered story of Jesus calming the storm:

Mark 4: 37-41
37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. 40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” 41 They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

The most interesting part of my dream is no matter how bad the storm was, the boat never tipped over. Why? I did some mini research on sail boats and found out that there is a part of the boat called a "keel." It's an unseen portion of the boat that keeps it from tipping over. Interesting. I had an "aha" moment. There are a lot of "unseen" things in life that keep us safe, we just need to open up our hearts and minds to truly see them.


“Quiet! Be still! Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

I'm getting there.

Tick. Tick. Tick

Today is March 3rd. It's exactly 3 months until I turn 30. I've been looking forward to this milestone for the past few years but this morning I woke up and had a minor panic attack. Crap, I'm going to be 30!!!!

My anxious feelings surrounding this milestone have very little to do with getting older. Aging doesn't scare me in fact I embrace aging with open arms. I'm starting to really freak out over my "mental checklist" of things I wanted to accomplish by this point in my life. So many hopes, dreams, aspirations seem so far out of reach and the older I'm getting the farther away those dreams seem to be. Isn't it suppose to be the other way around? I'm trying hard to just chill out and let life happen but in the back of my mind I keep hearing "Tick tick tick."

Breathe in. Breathe out. In the end everything will be ok. If things aren't ok, then its not the end.

30 by 30: Weekly Update

Loss/Gain: -1.6
Total lost: 6.2
Pounds to lose until goal: 23.8
Activity: Meh. (Still pet sitting)
Water Intake: At least 32 oz a day.
Healthy Habits: Meh
Emotional Weight Loss: Daily Devos, Soul Restoration Class

By the Grace of God, I lost this week. Not sure how, but I did. I'll take it. I was suppose to be done pet sitting yesterday, but ended up needing to stay another night. I wanted to cry (no, actually I wanted to scream) when I found out the news but instead I ate some ice cream. Funny how ice cream chills you out. Pun intended.

The last 3 weeks have been difficult and not just with my weight loss goals. I'm more emotional than normal and often will find myself tearing up for no real justifiable reason. The only thing I can really attribute my extra emotions to are I am finally tackling issues that I have kept deep inside for too long. My Soul Restoration class asks some tough questions and require me to dig deep and uncover the truth. Sometimes finding the truth is emotional process. My truth has been covered with a lot of messy, icky, gunky crud. Tears are cleansing for the soul. My tears appear to be working overtime on cleaning up my truth. For that I am thankful and hopeful that soon my truth will shine like brand new!

Romans: 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.