Best Gift EVER....

My boss just got me the best gift EVER...



A whole year subscription!!!!! I heart her.

Today's Dove Promise

"Always give from your heart."

Christmas Wish

As wonderful and joyous this time of year is suppose to be, I always seem to struggle with truly embracing the Holidays and just enjoying them. The Holidays tend to be a very lonely and sad time of year for me. The main reason being that my parents split up around Christmas time when I was 13. That pain is still very real and present in my everyday life today. Those scars haven't fully healed, probably in large part because I haven't really let them heal yet.

I always look back at my childhood Christmases and how many wonderful memories my family had together. My parents struggled when I was younger but the one thing I do remember is my brother and I were never without especially during Christmas. Santa always remembered our wishes and on Christmas morning he would leave an abundance of gifts under the tree. As I am getting older, the more and more I am yearning for a family of my own. I desperately want to start new traditions and make new memories with a husband and children. I know that I'm still "Young," and "Have plenty of time to start a family," but each year I get older, the more distant that dream is from becoming a reality.I've blogged about happiness and being content in life where you are at. I truly believe I have made steps in that area of my life, but it never seems to fail that around the Holiday's, all of that progress I may have made goes straight out the window.

This Christmas, my only wish is that I make an effort to focus on what I have versus what I want. I think this is something that everyone can focus on. Society tells us we need to have this, we need to buy that, we need, we need, WE NEED!!! (No wonder our economy is in a recession. GREED!!) What I really want and what I need are different things right now and I have faith that someday my wants will come true. Someday, I will have a husband and a family in which I can dot upon, begin new traditions and build new memories with. Someday I will have someone to kiss on New Years. Someday I will have children I can rock to sleep and tuck in at night. Someday I will have someone to fall asleep next too and wake up next to in the morning. Someday... those wishes WILL come true. All I have to do is Believe.

I have A LOT to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!!

For starters, I have a new job in which I absolutely love! It is such an amazing feeling getting up in the morning and actually WANTING to go to work. I’m still in the euphoric state of mind and can’t help but have a smile plastered on my face throughout the day. My boss has even commented saying “Are you always this happy?” Truth is, I haven’t been this happy about things in a LONG TIME. I never realized how unhappy I was until now. I want to bottle this feeling up and take it out when things start to get rough and tough again because as I know and experienced many times, life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.

I’m also thankful that I’m making a life for myself completely on my own. Given our economic environment, I think that is something worth tooting my own horn about! I still live check to check, (I only have $25 in my checking account until Friday oops) but I’m making it. I’m surviving. I’m living the “American Dream!” My house is officially my home. Such a great feeling.

Since I started loosing weight, I’ve gained more self confidence. I’ve never been able to love, accept and most of all respect myself. For the first time I can proudly say that I like what I see on the inside and the outside is still a work in progress. I recently learned the power of “no” and used this new life skill in standing up for myself. I can’t explain how empowering it felt to tell someone, whom I love and care about deeply that I need, deserve, and I’m worth so much more.

Last but not least, I am thankful for my family and friends. I wouldn’t be who I am without their constant love and support.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Busy bee

Life has been crazy but full of wonderful things lately!! I will debrief you below

1. I started a new job on Monday and I'm LOVING IT!!! Normally I would be stressing myself out with all of the new information I am taking in and putting unrealistic expectations on myself and feeling the the need to know everything right away, but I'm not. My new team is so incridibly nice and welcoming. I came in on Monday with a lovely card and beautiful plant welcoming me to the team. My new boss is a complete sweetheart. We even share the same Birthday and both agree that June 3rd is the greatest day EVER! For the first time in a long time, I actually want to go to work. What an amazing feeling!

2. I've lost 12 lbs, a pant size, and 4 inches since starting WW. Enough said.

3. The Holiday's are upon us. EEEEEEEEeeeek! I'm never ready for it but I'm actually looking forward to taking time off at Christmas to spend time with family and friends.

4. My pet sitting business is booming! I'm booking jobs into March already! Who would've thought that creating a few business cards 2 years ago would bring on such a business need for pet sitting!

5. There is a 90% chance I am going to DC to watch Obama be sworn in on January 20th. Yah!!!

Hope all is well with everyone else's worlds. Ta ta for now!

Letter

I received the following letter in the mail on Saturday.

"Jessica,

I was thinking about you today and thought I would send you a little note. I know how special it is to get “Real” mail.

As I begin planning my future, I realize how scary it can be but also how exciting and rewarding. I admire the fact that you have made a life for yourself and you should be proud of yourself too. It is a HUGE accomplishment and most of all, you are doing it on your own. You are a strong, beautiful, independent woman and I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned from you. You are my hero and someone who I look up to. Thank you for all that you do for me and for your encouragement throughout the years. I cherish our friendship and consider you a sister.

Love,

Lindsey."

For those of you who don't know who Lindsey is, she is my my brother's ex girlfriend. The sweetest, more sincere person I know. My brother is a complete idiot for not working things out with her. Anyways... her letter brought tears to my eyes and a boost of confidence I truly need at this point in my life. I love her.

EXPRESS

What ever happened to the, “Treat others as you would want to be treated,” moto? I feel we are living in a more shallow and hateful world more than ever. I experienced something this past weekend that was so unbelievable painful that I had to blog about it.

I went to the State Fair on Saturday with a good friend of mine and had a lovely time. We parked at Rosedale Park and Ride and when we got back to my car we decided to stop in the mall and just browse for a little bit. My friend wanted to go into the store Express. She decided to try on some jeans so I just walked around looking at the clothes while thinking to myself, “My God, everything is so overpriced.” The store was relatively slow in traffic because of the Fair going on down the street. Whenever I am in a retail store, I try to steer clear of the sales people. I hate how they always ask you, “Can I help you find something,” or “What are you shopping for today?” When I shop, I like to just browse through things, pick the items I want to try on, pay for them and leave. I’m not big on the chit chat but understand it is a part of their job etc… On this particular day I wasn’t so lucky to avoid the annoying sales lady. As I was admiring some beautiful but overpriced tops, I was approached by one of the sales ladies who proceeded to tell me the following: “Hi… Our store only has sizes up to Large and Size 14. Maybe you should go next door to Lane Bryant and check out what they have for you.” I just sat there, tears welling in my eyes trying to stay strong. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. That someone could be so rude and hurtful that they would even say such a thing. I just smiled, and replied. “I’m actually here with a friend who is trying on Jeans,” and walked away.

I’m not dumb or oblivious to the fact that I’m a bigger girl, and by the world standards, and apparently Express, I’m FAT. I’ve always struggled with my weight and as soon as I am close to accepting and loving myself the way I am, I am hit by a truck with a comment like that and I’m back to square one which is feeling insecure, fat and ugly. Before this whole thing happened, I had made a commitment to myself that I was going to join Weight Watchers again. I was really motivated and committed to starting it again. Now, more than ever I want to do this. Not because I need to prove to the Skinny Bitch sales lady at Express that I can fit into their clothes, but because there is more to be than just my pretty face. I can not tell you how many times I’ve been told, “Jess, you have such a beautiful face, if only you would loose the weight, you would be a catch.” I’m sick of being the “Pretty Face, Fat chick girl.” I want to be the, “Pretty face, healthy, loves herself and the skin she is in girl.” It’s only been 2 days since I officially started the WW program and so far, it’s going ok except all I can think about is eating a box of Double Stuffed Oreos and a gallon of Milk. Nice right?!

For the record, I will never shop at Express again, even when I am skinny enough to fit in their pretentious and overpriced clothes!

Enough.

Things are busy as usual. As soon as I walk into work it is balls to the walls until I force myself to leave at 5pm to remain some sort of balance in my life. Truthfully though, if I was allowed to stay late and work overtime, I would probably be at work every night til at least 8pm and back at work at 7am. Lately I just feel like a robot. I get up, I go to work, I go to my 2nd job, I go home, I go to sleep and so on so forth. I desperately want and NEED more balance, and exciting things in my life but this is just where I'm at, for now, and sometimes I feels like it will be this way forever. I've been asking myself a lot lately, "When does it get any easier?" It's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when all my life consists of is work, sleep, work and sleep. I'm so tired, exhausted of being pulled in so many directions as well with the little discouraging comments ( see post from Wednesday, August 20, 2008) At the end of each day, I just want to scream "Enough!!!" I so wish I had the 'F you," attitude when it comes to work, life, as well with dealing with certain people (and family members).So many times I wish I could just quit, but I can't. I have too much at stake and so I just keep on keeping on and somehow I manage to drag myself out of bed every morning and go attack the day again. So far, not a big fan the big 2-6. Mid twenties have not been the greatest but for whatever reason, I still have hope that someday it will get better. That someday I will look back and laugh at how silly I was being for worrying so much and constantly comparing myself to others. Someday... someday. Sigh.

Confessions of an overwhelmed heart.

When are you going back to school?
You need your degree if you are ever going to get anywhere
Why do you work 3 jobs?
You need a better paying job
You can only work 40 hours a week but we are increasing your workload
Can you be on this commitee?
Can you volunteer?
Are you dating anyone?
Why don’t you have a boyfriend? What’s wrong with you?
If you loose weight, you’ll attract a boyfriend
When are you gonna get married and have kids?
Why don’t you get out and meet people.
You need a balance in your life
Why don’t you go to church?
Why don’t you go to Happy Hour?
Why don’t you ever want to get together?
Why don’t you come up and visit more?
You need a vacation
You are late on paying bills
You need to be better organized
You look sad
Why are you so negative?
You look tired
Why can’t you be more like so and so?

I'm back from vacation

Sigh.

Terrible, Horrible, No good, very bad day.

Remember this book??



Last week was that kind of week for me. I was having a “Where the hell am I going in life,” week. Work is crazy. We are down 2 Coordinators which means I am covering not only my workload but 2 others worth as well. On top of that I am also juggling my 2nd and 3rd jobs and if things couldn't even get more complicated, I am even contemplating going back to school. Yes... I may have crossed over to crazy land. Needless to say, I’m just a little overwhelmed right now. I had a few mini melt downs last week too. Crying helped but I still woke up not ready to tackle another day.

Last Wednesday was by far the worst day and here is why. I was walking out to my bus, down Nicollet Mall, in front of LOTS OF PEOPLE… when I realized the back part of the dress is hiked up to my butt. I only realized this because as I’m walking by a window I see my reflection in the glass. S.E.R.I.O.U.S.L.Y!!! I was mortified! Everyone and their mother on Nicollet could see me and were probably pointing and laughing and for all I know, took a picture on their camera phone and posted it all over the internet. I should've just walked in front of WCCO at the 5pm NEWS and showed the greater Twin Cities my big ol pastie white ass! Ahhhh!!

I only have 1 more day of work until I have 4 days off! Can I get an amen?? I am taking a true vacation from ALL OF MY JOBS so hopefully I can get some much needed rest and relaxation! My plans are to go up to the Lake and sit my bis ass down on a big ass floatie with a big ass drink in my hands... that's right. I said "HANDS." I plan on double fisting it for those 4 days!

So long, farewell.

On Sunday, I brought Simon and Geno back to their original mommy. She decided to move back to Minnesota after things didn’t work out between her and her boyfriend when she moved out to Oregon to be with him. I knew it was the right thing to do for the boys, for Nicky (original mama) and ultimately me.

Here are a few things I’m going to miss about my boys.

1.Geno always snoozing in the bathroom sink. He barely fit but man was he cute!

2.Simon always greeting me at the door and then proceeding to tell me about his day. He was a talker that’s for sure.

3.Late nights on my patio brushing them. Simon loved it, Geno not so much. My deck still has kitty fur in places.

4.Simon hanging out on my coffee table while I watched TV. Geno on the couch next to me.
5.Simon and Geno laying on the tile floor in the bathroom on the really hot days. It’s the only thing that cooled them down.

6.Simon and Geno drinking from the bathroom sink faucet while I take a shower. It always had to be the perfect temperature and if it wasn’t, they weren’t afraid to tell me about!

7.How Geno would literally submerge himself while he was drinking from the faucet and then come give me a big wet kiss and shake off all excess water in my face.

8.Treat time. They knew exactly where their treats were and would remind me if I had forgotten to give them some.

9.Cat Nip. Enough said.

10.How they would snuggle with me every night. Their kitty kisses and hugs and unconditional love. No matter how bad my day was, they were always there to cheer me up.

Animals always have a way of leaving little paw prints on our hearts. I’ll miss them dearly but I am so happy that they are back with their original mommy who will love and care for them just as much if not more than I did.

christian the lion

I just cried like a little girl at my desk for 5 minutes over this video.

Emma Weekend

Can you tell I only got 4 hours of sleep?




So stylish with her little hat and whispy bangs. Whoever dressed her must have some amazing taste.




My poor boys were pooped from the weekend. This was them last night passed out on my bathroom floor together. So precious.

Whiz Bang Days

This weekend was Whiz Bang Days or what I like to call "High School Reunion at the Beer Tent." Every year I help run the softball tournament and every year I hate running into the same team that has pretty much every good looking guy from the classes of 1998-2000 on it. This year was pretty awful though. 2 guys whom in which I will not mention names, had a few beers in their system when they approached me with a question about their next game. "Hey... lady... can you tell me when our next game is... hey... didn't you graduate from Cooper??? Oh yeah... your name is Jennifer right?" (No dip shit, my name is Jessica. We actually went to middle school together and had Confirmation together. At one point we were actually friends who hung out) I took the high road and said "Your next game is at 5:30 down at the Lake, good luck!"

People ask me why I have no interest in going to any high school reunions. Case and point... my story above should pretty much explain it all.

Asses.

Memories

They say that the sense of smell is the strongest sense that is linked back to memory. I would have to agree 100% on this one. With that siad, here are my top 5 favorite smells that bring back wonderful memories.

5. Peanut Butter Sandwiches: Whenever I see someone eating a PB Sandwich or smell PB I'm always brought back to my daycare and pre-school days and eating on the picnic table outside. Back then life was so simple but yet I couldn't wait to grow up.

4. Sunscreen: This just reminds me of summer and how much I love to be outside during these 3 precious months.

3. Fresh Cut Grass: For whatever reason I remember sleeping in during Summer vacation and hearing the neighbors mow their lawn and I remember the smell of fresh cut grass. No real attachment to this memory, it's just a happy one. Although there is something fresh and renewing to the smell of freshly cut grass.

2. Babies: I will never get sick of the smell of a new baby. So soft, so innocent, so perfect. I wish I could just bottle up those feelings and take them out on a rainy gloomy day. No matter how stressed I am, or how bad my day has been, taking 2 minutes to hold a sleeping baby and smell the top of their head just calms me to no end.

1. Old Spice Deoderant: Ok, this one may seem gross but there is sentimental value behind this one. My dad always use to wear old spice growing up. I remember one time we were on vacation and I ended up borrowing one of his t-shirts to wear to bed. It smelled of Old Spice. At the time I thought it reeked of old man but now, whenever I smell that scent I'm instantly brought back to the good memories I had with my dad before everything went sour. Sometimes, I miss him so much it hurts. Maybe I should just buy some Old Spice Deoderant whenever I'm having a "I miss my dad," moment.

What are your favorite scents?

Top 10 Favorite Things

I've been consumed with such negativity lately that I decided to make a list of things that make me happy. Here is what I've come up with.

10. El Loro Chicken Fajitas. Y.U.M.M.Y

9. Diet Coke in the morning. It’s my crack. Without it, I go nuts.

8. New Purses or Bags. Duh

7. New Shoes. Double Duh.

6. Cherry Dipped Crunch cones. I heart Dairy Queen.

5. Sleeping in. I don’t get to do this a lot so when I do, it’s a little piece of heaven.

4. Minnesota Summers. These 3 months are precious!

3. Gerbera Daisies. Such a happy little flower that can turn any frown upside down.

2. Hot baths with the latest issue of InStyle. My official and only real “Me,” time.

1. Hugs and Kisses. I don’t really need to explain why. They just make me feel good.

Officially in love with Giuseppe

Interesting thought

I had just finished my scrumptious Subway sandwhich and as always, I was craving something sweet. I surveyed the lack of inventory in my candy jar on my desk. I've been trying super hard to not keep the candy dish full because I tend to just eat all of it's contents in one sitting. (Sigh) No need to worry because I always have a back up candy plan. There is a lady on my floor who ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS has candy in her dish. So I made the trek down her desk and picked out a piece of Dove Dark Chocolate. The one thing I love about Dove Chocolate is that it is so smooth tasting and literally melts in your mouth. Another thing I love is it gives you a little "Dove Promise." A faux fortune so to speak. My Dove promise today said:

"Keep the promises you make yourself."

An interesting thought. Not sure what exactly this means for me right now but I've decided to keep this Dove Promise and tape it to my computer screen so I will be constantly reminded of it everyday.

The Swear Jar

I needed this pick me up today at work. Hopefully you find some humor in it as well.

Birthday continued

I got together with some friends over the weekend at my favorite Mexican place, El Loro! It was nice to see my friends again. I was able to start feeling better about things AND I got the BEST present... Baby Isabella for dessert!

She is already a month old... Geez time flies!




I also enjoyed a frozen Mexican Concoction and from the looks of this picture, I was enjoying myself quite nicely!

Happy Birthday from The Office

On the third day of the sixth month in the year 1982, I was born.

Sex and the City-The movie: B+

After months of anticipation, I finally saw SATC:The Movie on Friday. I give the movie a B+. I liked it, it was entertaining but I guess I was a bit disappointed in how the story was told. I guess I was anticipating the movie to be more like the show and it wasn't. There wasn't as much drama as I would've hoped for and the story really focused on Carrie and Big vs. all of the other characters. So I give the movie a B+. I'm still a huge fan, and I will for surely pick up the DVD when it comes out, but overall I was a bit disappointed. There was a lot of hype and I didn't think the movie lived up to it's expectations. The fashion on the other hand, A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!! Can SJP be any freaking cuter?

How to eat like a hot chick continued

I'm just about done reading "How to eat like a Hot Chick," but I thought I would share with you my favorite quote which totally brings out the hilarity of this entire book.

"If you're totally obessed with those delicious frappucinos and absolutely must have one, it's ok, go for it. In fact, get a big one and top it off with lots of whipped cream and then pour on some vanilla and chocolate powder the the coffee places so kindly leave sitting out by the milk and stuff. Now, be very careful not to breathe in the powder as you sip because you will probably choke on it, and it's hard to look hot when you are choking, even for the hottest of us."

I'm pretty much convinced I should write the sequel to this book: "How to eat like a FAT chick." I think I would get a great response!

How to eat like a hot chick

Hot Chick Definition:

"A confident woman. She knows what she wants and gets it. She is aware of her flaws, but she doesn’t obsess over them and instead thinks that maybe (just maybe) they actually add to her unique beauty. She is passionate. She loves life. She is comfortable in her own skin and owns her sexuality, but uses it purely for good. She does not see other women as her enemy and competes only with herself to do her best at all times and to be her best at all times. She is forthright, honest, disarmingly herself and tries to be no one else. She is having fun and she is sexy and you just want to be around her to soak up some of those good vibes. She isn’t perfect, but she doesn’t care because she is hot."

From this point on, I will be trying my best to become what is called out in the defintion above by reading the following book...

Must.Eat.Chocolate

I just made out with a Special K bar like it was nobody's business! It was so deliciously evil that I felt no guilt for those 5 tasty minutes! Good God I am a bottomless pit today and nothing seems to satisfy me! Weird.. my skin is all broken out too?? And I'm kinda crabby and short with people?? Oh the joys of being a girl. Hmmm now I want some vinegar and salt chips. Hot Damn Jess! Give it a rest. Ok... I'm going for a walk now.

Happy Monday!

Life Lessons

It always amazes me that whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps or super stressed, I seem to come across little things like this that snap me back to reality.

Do not estimate your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, For without them, life is meaningless.

Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor in the future. Live your life one day at a time and remember to truly "Live," all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly.

Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope. To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.

Don't sweat the small stuff, and remember that everything usually is the "Small Stuff."

Though sometimes you may feel like to the world you are just one person but remember that to someone you might just mean the world.

Simply Fabulous!

My T-Shirt came in!!!! I am one happy girl!

Juno: A+

I went and saw Juno this weekend. Such a great movie. Any movie that can move me to tears but in a good way is worth seeing!

Grandma's 80th Birthday Party

Grandma's party was a success! She was completely surprised and even started to cry which made it hard for me not to shed a tear as well. Below are some pictures from the great day!

Me, Grandma and Brad



Grandma and Emma. My Aunt Pat (Buddy) and Greyson



Emma and Greyson patiently waiting to cut the cake!



Me and and my adorable God Daughter Emma. I could just squeeze her cheeks off!

I heart Animals

This video makes me miss my Stella. Sigh.

Making my house into a home

I went furniture shopping over the weekend and ended up buying a love seat and matching chair from HOM. I had to get it custom ordered because the color I wanted was out of stock. I should be getting my new furniture in 6-12 weeks. I'm hoping it's closer to the 6 week range as I am a big fan on waiting.I inserted a picture below but note that it is the wrong color. The color I ordered is called "Straw." To best describe it, it looks like a tannish cream. Very neutral which is what I want. I am getting 2 accents pillows that will be a cranberry color which is also the color I will be painting my living room walls. Yah! I'm so pumped.

Man Cold

Men are pathetic but yet we still cater to all of their needs especially when they are "Sick."

Hello my name is...

I am totally going to get it screen printed on a T-Shirt.

This is how I roll

I am without speech.

This made me smile

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a HUGE animal lover. I came across this today and it made my heart melt. So precious.

Quote

For anyone who knows me well, it wouldn't come as a surprise to hear that it is extremely hard for me to accept a compliment. I came accross the following quote today and it just made me feel "Good." Hopefully you all can capture something out of it as well.

"We are shared by our thoughts... we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."

Let's Get Physical

I'm hoping with Yoga I will become more flexible but not this flexible. This made me cry from laughter. Ouch!!

Nameste

Tonight is my first Yoga class and I'm excited!! I looked up the meaning of "Nameste," which is often used before and after a class. Pretty insightful.

NAMESTE: Actual deffintion: a Hindu greeting; All that is the highest ability, thought, and action in me, greets all that is the highest ability, thought, and action in you. And when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me,together we may realize a state of being that is beyond our individual experience of reality and therefore greater than ourselves.