Singleness

I hosted Mother’s Day brunch at my new apartment on Sunday. Overall I feel it was a success. I secretly like to entertain, but haven’t quite mastered the cooking part yet. I’m learning, and TRYING to cook more but it’s hard to cook for one. As I was waiting for my guests to arrive, I was browsing through Facebook and was seeing all of the posts giving shout outs and praises to their Mom’s, Wives, Grandma’s, Aunts, etc… I smiled but then I got a little sad. I had another moment in realizing my singleness and it stung my fragile little heart.

As a single girl, there isn’t a day dedicated to YOU. Birthday’s don’t count as everyone has a Birthday. There are showers thrown for wedding’s and babies, and a whole day dedicated to being a Mom, and Dad, but there isn’t a day that celebrates being single. As a single girl, you never get a card in the mail saying “Congrats on being single.” There isn’t a shower thrown in your honor because you are single. It’s rather depressing. As much as I love showing appreciation for my parents and grandparents, and celebrating milestones in my close friends lives with their weddings, and babies, can I just complain for a short time and say that there isn’t a day dedicated to the single lady (or guy)!!

For some, being single is a choice but for me, it is not a choice. For whatever reason, God hasn’t seen it fit for me to experience that joy and happiness yet. It hurts. I get angry. I get upset and frustrated. I try to put myself out there only to be trampled on again and again. It’s tough being a single girl, and the older you get, the harder it gets. Yes, I may be complaining but I’m entitled to that. I’m entitled to feel a little left out when it comes to certain “life experiences.” There are days when I feel like I no longer have anything in common with some of my friends because we are just at totally different stages in life. Some friends have even made comments saying “Jess, I wish I was still single, enjoy it.” I just shake my head and disbelief because being single ISN’T all Carrie Bradshaw and wild crazy nights of dating. A majority of the time you are lonely. You go home to an empty place, eat dinner by yourself, watch bad tv alone, go for a walk alone, go to bed alone, wake up alone. Why on earth would anyone want to wish that type of life? I don’t want make people believe that my life is miserable, because it isn’t. I keep myself very busy, and I have been blessed with some great friends and family, but at the end of the day its all too routine and extremely lonely. On the other end of things, I realize that marriage and kids is no bed of roses. There are tough days, really tough days but all I am asking for and truly desiring is a chance to truly smell those roses. I want to experience that blessing because I truly feel that is what life is all about.

I would give anything, ANYTHING to become a member of the elite Wife/Mom club. I would give anything to have someone to go home to, make dinner for, go on walks together, discuss our days, fall asleep and wake up next to. I would give anything to have a little child depend on me for absolutely everything. For me to be able to steal those morning snuggles and kisses, and wipe their tears when they are sad or hurt. I would give anything to hear the words “I love you, Jessica/Mommy.” Anything. I just hope that God hears my prayer, or if it is His will, have him change my hearts desire. We were never meant to live this life alone, so I am holding onto to that truth. That someday my wildest dreams will become reality. That someday I can look back at this and feel so foolish for being so impatient. I will be forever grateful when my someday becomes today.