I just posted this comment on one of my favorite blogs and realized I should probably post it on my blog to document where I'm at today and what I am feeling:
"For a majority of my short 30 years of life, I feel like I'm in a constant state of wait. Waiting for things to pan out, waiting for doors to open. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting because I'm too afraid to make the first step myself. If I wanted to be completely honest with myself, I'm waiting my life away and not living it. My prayer lately is that God place a fire under my tush and deep in my heart and soul and that I find what TRULY makes me alive. Living my dream. Living my passion. Still trying to figure out what that is exactly. I'm a work in progress. We all are."
I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I feel like I should know what that is by now, but I don't. I've always lived my life on the safe side. Doing what is expected of me. Staying within my comfort zone. Trying my best to make others happy and proud but never really doing anything that pushes me to be better. The older I get, the more relaxed I'm becoming. I find myself worrying less about things I can't control such as the future but I still lack the feeling of purpose in my life. I have big hopes and dreams of what my life COULD be like if I took a chance but still I stay comfortable in my little corner. I am settling for safe and easy life because I am too afraid to try something different and fail. I need to figure out a way to overcome this. Life is too short not to.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Crabby Pants
It's snowing. I feel it hasn't stopped snowing since I returned from Hawaii. I've reached the point in the winter season when I become physically angry when it snows. It may be a bit dramatic, but I seriously can't handle it. I've lived in Minnesota my entire life so you would think I would be used to this and that each winter becomes easier, but it is the exact opposite. Once the first flakes start to fall in November, it seems it doesn't end until April, sometimes May.Though I just returned from a fabulous warm weather vacation, I'm in need of a permanent warm weather vacation for life. Life is too short to not be happy. I'm a MUCH happier Jess when the sunny and warm days out number the cold ones OR better yet... cold ones don't even exist! I need to figure out a way to make my dream of living someplace warm year round into a reality. I try my best to stay positive enjoy the season but the truth is, my crabby pants are on and It hurts to force my fake "I love this weather" smile.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
What's next
There were reasons why I wanted to keep my relationship with Rob on a the down low. It's not that I wanted to keep him a secret. Inside I was bursting with joy that I found someone who was just as into me as I was to them, but a part of me wasn't prepared for all of the questions and curiosity that ensues after you start dating someone....
"Is he the one?"
"Are you in love?"
"When is the wedding?"
"Ring by spring?"
"Are you going to move in together?"
Don't get me wrong, I touched that I am THAT loved and have the support in my corner hoping and praying that I find someone special, get married, and have a family. But can I just say "Halt!"?? We've been dating for like a minute (actually 3 months). It's been 3 great months but at this stage, I have no intention of looking any farther into the future than what our plans are for the upcoming weekend. To some, I may be the oldest 30 year unwed, no kids bachelorette left. But for once in my life I feel truly happy and content with being where I'm at. For once I don't feel the need to compare myself to others or wishing my life were different. For once I have accepted my life as it is and have started to truly enjoy it. Not to worry, I still see marriage and kids in my future. With Rob? I don't know. Perhaps. But just like everything else I have experienced in this relationship thus far, I'm taking it one step at a time. Enjoying the process. Enjoying the journey all the while continuing to learn and grow as a person.
I.Am.Happy.
"Is he the one?"
"Are you in love?"
"When is the wedding?"
"Ring by spring?"
"Are you going to move in together?"
Don't get me wrong, I touched that I am THAT loved and have the support in my corner hoping and praying that I find someone special, get married, and have a family. But can I just say "Halt!"?? We've been dating for like a minute (actually 3 months). It's been 3 great months but at this stage, I have no intention of looking any farther into the future than what our plans are for the upcoming weekend. To some, I may be the oldest 30 year unwed, no kids bachelorette left. But for once in my life I feel truly happy and content with being where I'm at. For once I don't feel the need to compare myself to others or wishing my life were different. For once I have accepted my life as it is and have started to truly enjoy it. Not to worry, I still see marriage and kids in my future. With Rob? I don't know. Perhaps. But just like everything else I have experienced in this relationship thus far, I'm taking it one step at a time. Enjoying the process. Enjoying the journey all the while continuing to learn and grow as a person.
I.Am.Happy.
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| Our Valentines Day at Benihana. |
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
My Valentine
It's Valentine's week. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is my least favorite holiday let alone my least favorite time of the year. February tends to the coldest and snowiest time of the year. Gray days highly out number sunny days and I become super crabby and to be honest, lonely. This year it's different. I just got back from a wonderful vacation. Vitamin D has been absorbed into my skin and I no longer feel the need to be crabby at those yearly warm weather vacationers. But the most important reason is this year will be my first time, ever, having a Valentine. I have someone to snuggle with on the cold winter nights. I know I am loved by my friends and family. I know that Valentine's Day isn't necessarily meant for just lovers, but the fact I have a special somebody to share this "Lovers" holiday with means a lot. I feel special. I feel like I'm a part of the club now.
I've been rather quiet about who I've been seeing the past few months. At first, I wasn't sure if the relationship was going to last. But... after some time and patience our relationship evolved to be something a bit more. It's true... I have a boyfriend. His name is Robert (Rob) and I like him very much. He's a good guy and a true gentleman. I'm still a little cautious and keeping my heart close to my chest but I'm happy. He's good to me and treats me well.
Valentine plans are pretty low key as he needs to work late that night. We still plan to get together to exchange cards (and probably some smooches) but we also opted to do something bigger together on Saturday night instead. A nice dinner and movie are probably in store. Rob's Birthday is in March so as a combined Valentine's/Birthday gift I bought us tickets to the Food & Wine Expo. He's kind of a foodie and loves wine and craft beers so it seemed like a no brainer. The event isn't until March 2nd though so we have some time until we get to enjoy that gift together. He's super excited, as am I. Anyone want to drop us off and pick us up so we can BOTH enjoy the event?! :)
I will leave you with some recent pictures of the two of us. Isn't he a cutie?! So huggable. I love his beautiful blue eyes and beyond envious of his LONG eye lashes. Wheee. Dating someone who's just as into you as you are him is fun. Excited to see what's in store for us.
I've been rather quiet about who I've been seeing the past few months. At first, I wasn't sure if the relationship was going to last. But... after some time and patience our relationship evolved to be something a bit more. It's true... I have a boyfriend. His name is Robert (Rob) and I like him very much. He's a good guy and a true gentleman. I'm still a little cautious and keeping my heart close to my chest but I'm happy. He's good to me and treats me well.
Valentine plans are pretty low key as he needs to work late that night. We still plan to get together to exchange cards (and probably some smooches) but we also opted to do something bigger together on Saturday night instead. A nice dinner and movie are probably in store. Rob's Birthday is in March so as a combined Valentine's/Birthday gift I bought us tickets to the Food & Wine Expo. He's kind of a foodie and loves wine and craft beers so it seemed like a no brainer. The event isn't until March 2nd though so we have some time until we get to enjoy that gift together. He's super excited, as am I. Anyone want to drop us off and pick us up so we can BOTH enjoy the event?! :)
I will leave you with some recent pictures of the two of us. Isn't he a cutie?! So huggable. I love his beautiful blue eyes and beyond envious of his LONG eye lashes. Wheee. Dating someone who's just as into you as you are him is fun. Excited to see what's in store for us.
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| Ice Castle at Mall of America 1/26/13 |
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| Firefighter Banquet 2/9/13 |
Friday, February 8, 2013
Aloha, Hawaii!
I'm back from paradise. Had an amazing time. I'm currently in the process of trying to figure out a way for me to move there and live permanently. I'm not kidding. I've never been so happy in my life than when I was there. Though it was just a vacation, I saw myself living there for life.
As we were descending into Honolulu, I had butterflies in my stomach. Not just from the turbulence but with the anticipation of what the next 10 days were going to bring. As they opened the door to the jet way, the intoxicating smell of rain and tropical flowers filled my senses. My friend greeted me in Hawaiian fashion with the most beautiful lei. I instantly felt at home.
My plan was to have no plans and just take each day as it came. My friend wasn't able to take as much time off as she hoped for but was gracious enough to offer me her car. Oahu is surprisingly easy to get around in. There didn't seem to be road rage either, in fact people are SO accommodating of merging traffic. Not so much in Minneapolis. One thing I noticed about traffic is the speed limit is about 10 miles less there but people manage to go over by 15 mph. Go figure. I only got lost twice but thanks to GPS I found my way.
Here is how I spent my days in Hawaii:
Monday: It rained but still was a beautiful day. I went to Pearl Harbor. It was difficult to hear the stories and see pictures not to mention the remains of that horrific day. Went to Hickam Air Force Base and watched the sunset as the rain cleared out by the end of the day.
Tuesday: Went to Ko'Olina Lagoon in Kopolei which is about 30 minutes West of Honolulu. SO BEAUTIFUL. I laid out and soaked up the sun.
Wednesday: Went to the weekly Flea market at Aloha Stadium. It was your cheap Hawaiian trinket paradise. This is where I picked up a majority of my gifts for family and my boy. :) Spent the afternoon at the pool.
Thursday: My friend Amie was able to take one day off and she took me around the entire Island. I saw my first Whale Breach on this day too! Also experienced my first shaved ice. So yummy. We also visited Dole Plantation. Did you know that it takes 2 years for one Pineapple to grow?! Crazy. Went to North Shore scoped out all of the big surf beaches and even saw Sea Turtles!! It was an awesome day!
Friday: Went back to Ko'Olina and beached it again.
Saturday: Went Whale watching. The best $60 I've ever spent. I saw about 20 breaches. The most incredible thing I've ever experienced.
Sunday: Toured the Island again. H3 Scenic drive. Went to Chinaman's Hat, Kualoa Ranch and hit up a Burger place on the way home. Fun fact is Kualoa ranch is where a TON of movies have been filmed (Jurassic Park, 50 first Dates etc...). Spent the afternoon at the pool again.
Monday: I was hoping to do a Shark Dive but it didn't work out. One thing about Hawaii is there isn't a sense of urgency when it comes to calling people back or confirming anything. It's a VERY laid back place. Hang Loose is a way of life. I was bummed about the shark dive but this just means I need to go back! I spent Monday back at North Shore and went to Waimea Falls. It was so lush, so green, so beautiful. It was a bit overcast this day with a few showers but still the surroundings were SO beautiful. We went back to Hickam Air Force Base and watched another sunset.
Tuesday: Went back to Ko'Olina for my last minute sun. I loved Ko'Olina and would recommend ANYONE to vacation at their resorts. Though pricey, it is so beautiful. The weather is perfect, everyday. That part of the Island has is very dessert like and has sun everyday and very few clouds. Plus the ocean is just so beautiful. Crashing waves and Mountains in the distance. Perfection. Tuesday night I was able to capture my first and only Rainbow. It was Hawaii's way to saying goodbye and to come back, soon!
It was wonderful trip. I saw everything I wanted to see and felt I had a true Hawaiian experience. I will be back to visit and if my dreams come true, to stay for good.
I took over 500 pictures. I edited them down to 220. Below are some of my favorite shots. Enjoy!
As we were descending into Honolulu, I had butterflies in my stomach. Not just from the turbulence but with the anticipation of what the next 10 days were going to bring. As they opened the door to the jet way, the intoxicating smell of rain and tropical flowers filled my senses. My friend greeted me in Hawaiian fashion with the most beautiful lei. I instantly felt at home.
My plan was to have no plans and just take each day as it came. My friend wasn't able to take as much time off as she hoped for but was gracious enough to offer me her car. Oahu is surprisingly easy to get around in. There didn't seem to be road rage either, in fact people are SO accommodating of merging traffic. Not so much in Minneapolis. One thing I noticed about traffic is the speed limit is about 10 miles less there but people manage to go over by 15 mph. Go figure. I only got lost twice but thanks to GPS I found my way.
Here is how I spent my days in Hawaii:
Monday: It rained but still was a beautiful day. I went to Pearl Harbor. It was difficult to hear the stories and see pictures not to mention the remains of that horrific day. Went to Hickam Air Force Base and watched the sunset as the rain cleared out by the end of the day.
Tuesday: Went to Ko'Olina Lagoon in Kopolei which is about 30 minutes West of Honolulu. SO BEAUTIFUL. I laid out and soaked up the sun.
Wednesday: Went to the weekly Flea market at Aloha Stadium. It was your cheap Hawaiian trinket paradise. This is where I picked up a majority of my gifts for family and my boy. :) Spent the afternoon at the pool.
Thursday: My friend Amie was able to take one day off and she took me around the entire Island. I saw my first Whale Breach on this day too! Also experienced my first shaved ice. So yummy. We also visited Dole Plantation. Did you know that it takes 2 years for one Pineapple to grow?! Crazy. Went to North Shore scoped out all of the big surf beaches and even saw Sea Turtles!! It was an awesome day!
Friday: Went back to Ko'Olina and beached it again.
Saturday: Went Whale watching. The best $60 I've ever spent. I saw about 20 breaches. The most incredible thing I've ever experienced.
Sunday: Toured the Island again. H3 Scenic drive. Went to Chinaman's Hat, Kualoa Ranch and hit up a Burger place on the way home. Fun fact is Kualoa ranch is where a TON of movies have been filmed (Jurassic Park, 50 first Dates etc...). Spent the afternoon at the pool again.
Monday: I was hoping to do a Shark Dive but it didn't work out. One thing about Hawaii is there isn't a sense of urgency when it comes to calling people back or confirming anything. It's a VERY laid back place. Hang Loose is a way of life. I was bummed about the shark dive but this just means I need to go back! I spent Monday back at North Shore and went to Waimea Falls. It was so lush, so green, so beautiful. It was a bit overcast this day with a few showers but still the surroundings were SO beautiful. We went back to Hickam Air Force Base and watched another sunset.
Tuesday: Went back to Ko'Olina for my last minute sun. I loved Ko'Olina and would recommend ANYONE to vacation at their resorts. Though pricey, it is so beautiful. The weather is perfect, everyday. That part of the Island has is very dessert like and has sun everyday and very few clouds. Plus the ocean is just so beautiful. Crashing waves and Mountains in the distance. Perfection. Tuesday night I was able to capture my first and only Rainbow. It was Hawaii's way to saying goodbye and to come back, soon!
It was wonderful trip. I saw everything I wanted to see and felt I had a true Hawaiian experience. I will be back to visit and if my dreams come true, to stay for good.
I took over 500 pictures. I edited them down to 220. Below are some of my favorite shots. Enjoy!
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| Hickam AFB Sunset |
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| Hickam AFB Palm Trees with Sunset. |
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| Ko'Olina Lagoons |
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| Ko'Olina Lagoon. Have you seen a bluer blue? Sky or water?! Doesn't seem real but it was. |
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| H3 Scenic Drive |
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| Kualoa Ranch |
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| My future home. Dream Big. |
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| I saw about 20 Whale Breaches. AMAZING. |
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| Waimea Falls. The trees were MASSIVE. |
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| Waimea Falls. I promise you I'm happy here. My eyes are just squinty. |
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| Rainbow!! |
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