A much needed break

I'm heading up to the lake tomorrow morning for a much needed break. It's been 5 months since I took a minication and I am long overdue. I'm actually taking time off from ALL of my jobs so it will be nice to truly relax and soak up some sun. I must admit that I get a little panicked at the idea of not working, AT ALL. I keep thinking about how much money I will be missing out on taking time off from working my 2nd and 3rd job. Right now, I'll be missing out on about $300. Wah... but the emotional rejuvenation is priceless and long overdue.

I feel like I've lost my spirit again. It happens all too often. Things will be good, then great, then they plateau and then I fall into a deep, deep rut. I realize that life can't always be sunshine and rainbows but I wish there were a way to get past the not so great times a bit faster or at least learn how to handle them better. My heart is heavy and my spirit is low. I'm hoping a little R&R this weekend will re-energize my mind and I'll be able to get back on the saddle again.

On a different note here are 2 new purchases I bought for my minication:

Black Shirred Halter Suit $18.99 at Old Navy. Picture really does no justice. I tried it on last night and it makes me look 10 lbs lighter! SOLD!



Cute sundress $20. Wore it yesterday to work. Very comfy. A little big. Hopefully it will shrink

I should seriously write a book

About all the stupid, embarrassing things that happen to me. This one is right up there with the ass hanging out while walking down Nicollet Mall.

I had to go into the Girl Doctor this morning because I was pretty sure that I had a (TMI WARNING) ahem, a Yeast Infection. Yuck. Sure enough, I do. The Doctor recommended a few things along with getting an over the counter medicine. I went to Target over my lunch break and couldn't find the particular medicine she recommended. So, I went up to the consultation counter to ask the Pharmacist if they had it behind the counter. Now, you would think that a Pharmacist would be a balding middle aged married guy, maybe slightly overweight and dorky glasses. But NOOOOO. God saw another opportunity to completely humiliate me, once again, and seized the moment! The Pharmacist comes up and of course it's the smokin hot just out of grad school guy, Luke. I'm talking tall, dark and handsome. Dark brown eyes, tan, nice body, cute smile. The kind that makes you blush just looking at. I kind of had a fight or flight moment. A part of me wanted to dash out of there but the courageous part just decided to stay. I asked if he had the medicine I was looking for. He then proceeded to ask me "Well do you want the cream or the ehhh the ehhh depository ehhh stuff." O.M.G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORTIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEN... he walks me over to the location where they are at and points out the kind I need. SERIOUSLY FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How the hell do you recover from that? How do you smile politely, bat your eyes and flirt with McHottie Pharmacist when he knows EXACTLY whats going on in your BIZNIZ!!! I'm sure the first thing on his mind was "Dammmn, let me get with that chick after I help her pick out the right vaginal cream!"

Seriously, I give up. From this point on, I will just accept the fact that embarrassing moments will happen and probably continue to happen. Hopefully my life can be a lesson to others. Ugh.

I need a drink.

Do I really?

Do you ever look at pictures of yourself and think "Wow... do I really look like that?" Or better yet, look at video of you and think the same question? There is a brief video clip of me on Cable 12 news. I was interviewed for the 45th Annual Robbinsdale Pet and Wheel parade that happened last Thursday in Robbinsdale. It was short 10 second chip but for those 10 seconds, it was extremely painful for me to watch. I watched the clip over and over again and picked myself apart.I kept thinking "My hair looks like a rats nest, my eyes are too squinty, my cheeks look too chubby, my voice is shaky... the list goes on. Why am I so hard on myself? Why is it hard for me to look at a picture of myself and see myself for who I am and not be so focused and obsessed with what I'm not? It might be time to put down the InStyles and reading People.com and comparing myself to what our society defines as "Beauty" and start focusing on all of the wonderful qualities I posses that truly make me a beautiful person.

I believe

That there are still good people out in the world even though we are reminded everyday of the bad.
That someone's eyes are truly connected to their heart
That a smile can make someone's day
That true beauty comes from within
That sticks and stones may break bones but words, REALLY DO hurt too.
That what doesn't kill you, DOES make you stronger
That if you stop learning, you stop living
That there is a devine plan for everyone and you choose which path to take.
That we are never given more then we can handle
That holding a sleeping baby IS the most peaceful thing anyone could ever experience
That giving and receiving love is truly a wonderful gift
That everyone at somepoint will experience a broken heart
That it sometimes takes awhile to understand the beauty in just letting go
That there is no such thing as perfection
That it is possible that one person’s imperfections can make them perfectly aligned to another’s ones heart.
That in the end everything will be ok, and if things are not ok, then it means it's not the end

All we ever want

It seems that every so often I seem to get myself in a funk where I tend to sit at home and feel sorry for myself. Last night was no exception either. I had just turned off my nightlight and I lay in bed thinking to myself "I'm alone... I am 27 and alone... what if I'm always alone... what if I grow old alone... what if I die alone..." You see the pattern. There are days when I feel pretty kick ass and proud of the fact that I am doing this whole grown up thing by myself. I am completely on my own and there is something to be said about that... but then the reality checks in and I realize that I AM DOING THIS COMPLETELY ON MY OWN and that scares me.

If someone where to ask me "Jess, are you happy?" my response would be "Yes." And I wouldn't be lying. I am "Happy" but I just feel like something is missing. I honestly thought I would be married with a kid by this point in my life and I am no where near any of those things. All I really want right now is to be wanted, needed, cherished, appreciated, loved, adored forever and ever, till death do us part etc... I hate the fact that I go to bed alone and wake up alone. It's lonely knowing that you have only yourself to take care of when everything in your heart longs for so much more.

I feel like I bring this up all too often in my blogs and I don't want to come across as a needy, emotional, desperate for love type of girl because I don't think I am THAT girl. I just want what everyone else wants when it comes to life and love... all we ever truly want, is to be wanted.