Living to my full potential

Do you ever have one of those days when you feel so completely lazy and useless that you just feel like you aren't truly living to your full potential? I seem to have those days all too often, especially lately.

If I look back at my life in the past 28 years, I guess you could say I've done pretty well. I graduated High School, went to college and obtained a 2 year degree, got a real job, bought a house, a car. Living the "American Dream" but yet I feel so unfinished, so unfulfilled at times, like the life I've been living isn't to its fullest potential.

When I was 6 years old, my teacher called me stupid in front of my entire class. From that moment on throughout my schooling years and even in my job today, I've always managed to just do enough to get by. Never going above and beyond in anything. I've taken jobs that were safe and within my skill and ability level. Never really pushing myself to go any further or truly be successful in anything. When opportunities present themselves, I usually self doubt and tell myself I'm not good enough, deserving enough, smart enough or even capable of being anything more then what I already am. I'm still very much that little girl sitting at her desk while her teacher calls her stupid and dumb in front of all of her classmates and friends.

Obviously like any other human being, I have insecurities and they like to creep up every now and again. The past few weeks I feel as if I have hit a wall in life. I'm going through the motions. Smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. I feel like there is so much more I should or could be doing with my life but yet the fear paralyzes me and my self doubt wins over my dreams and aspirations. I'm trying to stay positive. Focus on the good things in my life vs. concentrating on the negative but I still feel so blah. I can't help but think to myself, "Is this all there is to life? To my life?"

I need some motivation. Something that will make me want to get off my lazy ass and do something. It's more then just reading a good book, joining an exercise program, rekindling friendships, or volunteering. It's a life change I desperately need, not just a quick fix.

I'm sick of settling for mediocrity. I long to be something and someone great vs. hiding behind my scared skin.