It takes awhile to understand, the beauty in just letting go.

5 months. 22 weeks. 154 days. I thought he was the one. Red flags started to appear almost immediately after we started dating but figured I'd push them aside as everyone has flaws. Yesterday, at approximately 8:35am, I got a phone call that pushed me over the edge and I finally reached my breaking point.

The man I loved isn't who I thought he was. Trust has been broken along with my heart. I'm sad and hurt but mostly I'm sad and hurt for him. Sometimes loving someone isn't enough for that other person to get it together. Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted but I also feel like there is a big hole in my heart.

Everything is new and raw. I sat and stared at his side of the closet for an hour last night. It's empty.I fell asleep alone and woke up alone. Tossing and turning realizing he wasn't next to me for me to hug or hold. Waves of tears have come and gone. I try my best to keep them at bay but sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I can't help but feel what I need to feel.

Despite everything, I feel like I am a stronger person because of this. I have learned valuable life lessons and I'm sure I will continue to learn and grow from this. I am no stranger to the complexity of a broken heart. This seems all routine to me. I still have hope that someday, somewhere, my imperfectly perfect guy is out there. Someday we will meet and it will work. There will be trust, honesty, mutual love and respect. He will be REAL with me and I with him. Until that day comes, I am learning to be me again. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Breath in and breath out all the while knowing that this too, shall pass.