Judging books by their covers

We all do it, and to say that we don't, makes us liars. We all at some point in our lives, maybe even today, have made snap judgements on people based on their outward appearance. I catch myself doing this, and immediately try to change my focus on now what this person looks like, but who is this person on the inside. I have to remind myself that if roles were reversed, would I want this person to judge me based on my appearance? Nope, not at all.

My biggest insecurity with E is my physical appearance though he has done absolutely nothing for me to think such things. This insecurity is totally on me, and if I don't deal with it soon I'm afraid it may be the demise of our potential relationship. For the record, he hasn't a clue I even feel this way. I should get an Emmy for acting my butt off. I try my very best to allude all things confident and that I am totally secure within myself. Deep inside, I'm just a scared little girl who feels naked and ashamed of her "Flaws."

E is physically fit. He's super active and takes caution as to what he eats, but at the same time he can eat whatever the heck he wants and not gain a pound. (Grrrr). In conversation with him about his ex wife and girls he has dated since, it is pretty apparent that he has a "Type" he is attracted too. Short, VERY petite, and just all around itty bitty. Here I am, short but anything but itty bitty. I am probably a good 30-40 pounds bigger than he is (Those dang boobies and tush or at least that is what I am blaming it on when in reality, I am just bigger than he is because I just am). It's hard not to feel insecure about my size around him. For the most part, I am nice to myself and try to keep the negative thought talk at bay, there are a few times when a few light jabs and poking fun at myself will slip out. Though E will smile and laugh at the light jokes I crack, he mostly just says "Hey, be nice!" He's right... I need to be nice to me if I ever expect him to be nice to me.

Last Friday my work husband invited E and I over for a BBQ at his place. Work husband is like my brother. He loves me like a sister, but also pokes fun at me like a sister. He consumed quite a few drinks and then his filter was removed. I was his hot topic for poking fun of my "Assets." I didn't take offence because the things he were saying were true, and often what I poke fun at in myself. As I was laughing along with Work Husband, I noticed that E was not. This really stuck out to me, and actually touched my heart and really showed me who he is as a person, a man, a guy who I truly like, want and need in my life for many reasons.  E likes me for me. Why is this so hard for me to accept this?