Self Realizations

The past few weeks, I have been dealing with a lot of grown up things. In dealing with these things, I have also realized a lot about myself and I’d like to share my self realizations with you now….

1.I am a lot stronger then I think I am. Yes, I have my moments of weakness, nearly daily but the truth is, I am a fighter and I will win this battle and when I do, it will be the biggest thing I have accomplished in my life, yet. Can’t wait until I am at that finish line.

2.It’s ok to cry. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of being overwhelmed and for me, taking ownership of my life. I cry because I am grieving the loss of a life I thought I would have at this point. I cry because I feel scared, alone, and afraid. I cry because I want it to go away. I cry because I want a 2nd chance at life. I cry because I want a new beginning to actually LIVE my life vs. feel like I am slave to it.

3.I am organized, like REALLY OVERLY organized. All my T’s are crossed and my I’s are dotted. You kind of need to be in this situation.

4.I am impatient but I learning to listen to my heart and to listen to the lessons I am being taught. All of these roadblocks are opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of being angry and frustrated, I am trying my best to slow down and listen.

5.Laughter really is the best medicine. No matter what, I try to smile and laugh each and everyday, even if it takes every effort too.

6.I am learning to love and accept people where they are at. Going through this tough time makes me wish I could wear a sign around my neck that says “Be gentle with me, I am hurting” because sometimes people can be so blind to the reality of things. I am learning to be more kind to people as they too may be going through a tough time and just are really good at hiding it. Everybody has aches and pains. Everybody has had a broken heart. It will do us all some good to remember to be gentle and kind to everyone because you never really know what they are going through.

7.I am truly, TRULY loved by my family. If they could, I know they would trade places with me. Having that love and support is wonderful. It’s hard not to get emotional when you think of how loved, wanted, needed, cherished and adored you truly are.

8.Exercise is key to releasing stress. I love Zumba for this and I plan on continuing this love affair far after I am through this icky mess.

9.I have a hard time letting go. I tend to look back more when I should be looking forward. I continue to play the “What if’s” in my head when all I really should be doing is letting go. I’m learning though, and unfortunately the hard way.

10.God has a way of breaking you so He can rebuild. I’m not sure how much more broken I can be or get, but my arms are open and just praying that He gather me up soon. He brought me to this and I hope that He will bring me through it just the same. Everything is temporary. A comforting thought knowing that this too, shall pass.

Single girl rules of thumb

I was watching Hawaii 5-O last night (only channel that would come in) and this particular episode was about a serial killer. It dawned on me after the show was over that watching that show, as a single girl, who lives by herself, just before bedtime, was probably not the wisest choice. I already have trouble sleeping at night and throwing this into the mix didn't help. I tossed and turned and convinced myself that every noise I heard was someone trying to break into my place. Lesson learned. Don't watch stupid crime/murder/csi shows before you go to bed.

Seeing the miracles

I’ve been surrounded by a lot of negativity lately and unfortunately that’s all I can seem to blog about. Believe it or, I strive to be the total opposite of being negative. I try to see the good in people, in situations, in life but sometimes it’s just to effing hard to smile and see the good, when your head and your heart feel otherwise. The Holidays have always been a rather difficult time for me for many reasons. Even though it is suppose to be a joyful and happy time, for me it’s a very lonely and hard time. This year is no exception. I have a lot on my plate and I’m just trying to digest everything.

As I reflect back on 2010, it unfortunately has been one of the most difficult years to date in my adult life. As much as I am looking forward to it ending, I am even more anxious and terrified of what 2011 will bring. I’ve always been a sentimental person and tend to look back more when I should be looking forward. I tend to remember good memories, bad memories, silly memories, and life changing memories. I am trying so hard to just focus on good. Despite a very emotionally exhausting year, God brought me to it and is continuing to bring me through it for a reason. I’m trying to see the miracles. The everyday miracles that life brings us each and every day. That even when my world is caving in that there is still hope and there is still miracles happening to me and around me.

I’m not sure what my future holds at this point but I am trying my hardest to stay positive and to see the good. The everyday miracles and to be thankful for everything I have.


(Picture courtesy of BraveGirlsClub.com)

I'm officially old

I don't hide the fact that I dislike the Dentist. I dislike so much in fact that if I had to choose between the girly Doc and the Dentist, I'd choose girly Doc all the way. Today was my 6 month cleaning and I found out I need not one but TWO crowns, and it's not because I'm a princess. Efffffff. Also found out that these Crowns are expensive. $400-$500 each. I'm not really in a position to to be putting a grand into my mouth. I know life is expensive but GEEZUS... $1000 for my teeth??! I have so many other BETTER ideas of where that money could go to. Merry Christmas, Jessica! Love, your Dentist.

The Only Exception

I keep waking up to this song when my alarm goes off in the morning. It also seems to come on the radio when I am in my car. Hmmm... is the Universe trying to tell me something OR am I just a weirdo that reads into stuff like this too much?