If I was a singer, I would want to sound like Adele. She is so beautiful and her voice is gorgeous. I'm convinced that her new album 21 was written for me. This is my favorite song from 21. So relateable for anyone who has ever suffered with a broken heart.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
New Chapter
I had very mixed emotions surrounding Saturday’s big move. I was excited to start a new chapter, but also very scared. It was a very bittersweet day. As the movers were quickly moving my stuff out, I was thinking to myself “Wow, this is really it” and choked back some tears. Not sure why I was sad. I think it’s because a part of me still feels like I failed at my attempts of living the American Dream. Even though I know in the long run, walking away was the best thing for me, I still feel a sense of sadness that I can’t really explain. There were a lot of memories made at my place, and a lot of memories I wish I could erase. I have learned a lot about myself through this whole process and I have grown tremendously. I have proven to myself that I am a lot stronger then I give myself credit for. When I DO get through this, it will be even more proof that I can get through anything life decides to throw at me. This journey is far from over, in fact it’s really just the beginning. I’m sure there will be plenty more tears and frustration and nights awake worrying, but I have made the first step, the biggest step and have taken control of my life and my well being. You can’t really put a price tag on that, nor fault me for wanting a better life. This is my new American Dream. Jessica’s Dream for a better, safer, more secure life.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Packing Machine
I spent 90% of my weekend packing and purging again. My living room has now become my storage room.
Before:
After:
Feel free to sign me up for the show "Hoaders." I am rather embarassed at how much stuff I have accumulated over the last 4 years. What's even more depressing is I have donated or tossed A LOT and I am still left with this. Sigh.
I am making progress! 6 days and this chapter will be closed and a new, much happier and safer one will be opened! Yay!
Before:
After:
Feel free to sign me up for the show "Hoaders." I am rather embarassed at how much stuff I have accumulated over the last 4 years. What's even more depressing is I have donated or tossed A LOT and I am still left with this. Sigh.
I am making progress! 6 days and this chapter will be closed and a new, much happier and safer one will be opened! Yay!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Let go. Let God.
It’s official, I am moving on March, 12th. That is 10 days, 10 DAYS from today. O.M.G. So much to do, so little time. I’m running on adrenaline. Knowing that in less than 2 weeks I will be safe is what keeps me going.
Over the past year, I have learned a lot about grief and myself. For once in my life I am actually going through the grieving process vs. skipping through it. I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot, cried a lot, and even managed to sneak in a few smiles here and there. I have mixed emotions on what is about to happen. Part of me feels so happy that I am closing this chapter of my life while the other part still feels worrisome of the unknown. This whole process is far from over. I’m at the tip of the iceberg and I hope and pray that things will move quickly, smoothly, and with minimal damage. I will say that I am pretty proud of the fact that I am doing this, completely on my own. I’ve received praise from some people admiring the fact that I haven’t let this situation break me down (Although, I beg to differ. I have my moments of weakness, A LOT but they are cleverly hidden). I think what they mean by that statement is most people who are going through the same thing would just give up completely on themselves, their life, and their future. I have taken control and have a plan to get me through to the other side. I saw a saying the other day that really stuck out to me “Life is about how you handle Plan B.” Couldn’t be more true for my situation.
My life hasn’t been a bed of roses. It’s been hard, challenging, difficult. I have good days and bad days. The past few years have been more on the difficult side but the beautiful thing is I have made it through. I keep waking up in the morning so that must mean that God has a plan and purpose for me. I blogged few months ago that God has a way of breaking you completely so He can rebuild. I feel like I have been broken down and now I am being rebuilt into the person I was always meant to be. I hate to admit this but I am a control freak. I have a timeline for myself and my life and feel if I don’t achieve those goals I set for myself by a certain time, I have failed. Obviously this causes me lots of frustration and anxiety. My biggest prayer right now is that God help me, let go and you know what… He’s answering. I can’t really explain it but I feel each day, little by little, I am letting go and letting God take back control. It’s still extremely difficult for me to actually do this, but my mind, body, and soul NEED it.
For those of you who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, thank you. I have felt them, needed them, and appreciated them. This journey is far from over, but I have a plan, I have a direction and now I just need to execute it, with God’s help of course!
Here is a song I heard this morning on my way to work. It's by Linkin Park originally, but Marie Digby sings it more emotionally and beautifully. Another way in which God has spoken to me. Can't help but feel warm and confident that everything is going to be "Ok."
Over the past year, I have learned a lot about grief and myself. For once in my life I am actually going through the grieving process vs. skipping through it. I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot, cried a lot, and even managed to sneak in a few smiles here and there. I have mixed emotions on what is about to happen. Part of me feels so happy that I am closing this chapter of my life while the other part still feels worrisome of the unknown. This whole process is far from over. I’m at the tip of the iceberg and I hope and pray that things will move quickly, smoothly, and with minimal damage. I will say that I am pretty proud of the fact that I am doing this, completely on my own. I’ve received praise from some people admiring the fact that I haven’t let this situation break me down (Although, I beg to differ. I have my moments of weakness, A LOT but they are cleverly hidden). I think what they mean by that statement is most people who are going through the same thing would just give up completely on themselves, their life, and their future. I have taken control and have a plan to get me through to the other side. I saw a saying the other day that really stuck out to me “Life is about how you handle Plan B.” Couldn’t be more true for my situation.
My life hasn’t been a bed of roses. It’s been hard, challenging, difficult. I have good days and bad days. The past few years have been more on the difficult side but the beautiful thing is I have made it through. I keep waking up in the morning so that must mean that God has a plan and purpose for me. I blogged few months ago that God has a way of breaking you completely so He can rebuild. I feel like I have been broken down and now I am being rebuilt into the person I was always meant to be. I hate to admit this but I am a control freak. I have a timeline for myself and my life and feel if I don’t achieve those goals I set for myself by a certain time, I have failed. Obviously this causes me lots of frustration and anxiety. My biggest prayer right now is that God help me, let go and you know what… He’s answering. I can’t really explain it but I feel each day, little by little, I am letting go and letting God take back control. It’s still extremely difficult for me to actually do this, but my mind, body, and soul NEED it.
For those of you who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, thank you. I have felt them, needed them, and appreciated them. This journey is far from over, but I have a plan, I have a direction and now I just need to execute it, with God’s help of course!
Here is a song I heard this morning on my way to work. It's by Linkin Park originally, but Marie Digby sings it more emotionally and beautifully. Another way in which God has spoken to me. Can't help but feel warm and confident that everything is going to be "Ok."
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
New Baby Girl...
At 9:20 pm last night I welcomed a 2010 Honda Fit Sport into my family. She had 6 miles on her, black interior and exterior, and that wonderful new car smell. Mom and Baby are doing well and getting acquainted with one another.
Some may ask why I decided to get a new car, especially in the situation I am in with my house. I bought my old Honda Civic in 2003. It has been a great car and had no major issues. I had 107,000 miles on the car and regular wear and tear. In a few years, I am going to need to put some money into for maintenance. Once a car reaches a certain point, you never know what could happen. Most warranty's expire after so many years and miles, and you are pretty much left stuck footing a bill for anything major that isn't within a warranty. Honda's are known for being reliable cars and can last a long, LONG time. Even so, knowing that my credit is about to take a HUGE hit in the next few weeks, I decided that it would be a wise decision to get a new vehicle and not have to worry about anything MAJOR happening with my car. I went to Honda last night with the intention of just looking and seeing what I would qualify for and left with a new car. Isn't that how it usually works? They had some AMAZING deals and I couldn't pass this opportunity up, especially since my credit worthiness is about to go through the ringer soon.
I'm happy with my decision. Like everything else I am going through, I keep playing "what if's" in my head. This is at least one thing I can take off my "What if" list. I have a safe, reliable, NEW car that will last me a long time.
Side plug... I can not say enough good things about Honda's. The truly are the BEST,CARS, EVER! Seriously... I'm not kidding. Once you have a Honda, you never go back to anything else. They are safe, reliable, and affordable. If you are looking to get a new car soon, check out a Honda. And if you buy a Honda within the next 6 months, I have a $200 coupon for you!
Some may ask why I decided to get a new car, especially in the situation I am in with my house. I bought my old Honda Civic in 2003. It has been a great car and had no major issues. I had 107,000 miles on the car and regular wear and tear. In a few years, I am going to need to put some money into for maintenance. Once a car reaches a certain point, you never know what could happen. Most warranty's expire after so many years and miles, and you are pretty much left stuck footing a bill for anything major that isn't within a warranty. Honda's are known for being reliable cars and can last a long, LONG time. Even so, knowing that my credit is about to take a HUGE hit in the next few weeks, I decided that it would be a wise decision to get a new vehicle and not have to worry about anything MAJOR happening with my car. I went to Honda last night with the intention of just looking and seeing what I would qualify for and left with a new car. Isn't that how it usually works? They had some AMAZING deals and I couldn't pass this opportunity up, especially since my credit worthiness is about to go through the ringer soon.
I'm happy with my decision. Like everything else I am going through, I keep playing "what if's" in my head. This is at least one thing I can take off my "What if" list. I have a safe, reliable, NEW car that will last me a long time.
Side plug... I can not say enough good things about Honda's. The truly are the BEST,CARS, EVER! Seriously... I'm not kidding. Once you have a Honda, you never go back to anything else. They are safe, reliable, and affordable. If you are looking to get a new car soon, check out a Honda. And if you buy a Honda within the next 6 months, I have a $200 coupon for you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)