Let go. Let God.

It’s official, I am moving on March, 12th. That is 10 days, 10 DAYS from today. O.M.G. So much to do, so little time. I’m running on adrenaline. Knowing that in less than 2 weeks I will be safe is what keeps me going.

Over the past year, I have learned a lot about grief and myself. For once in my life I am actually going through the grieving process vs. skipping through it. I’ve grown a lot, learned a lot, cried a lot, and even managed to sneak in a few smiles here and there. I have mixed emotions on what is about to happen. Part of me feels so happy that I am closing this chapter of my life while the other part still feels worrisome of the unknown. This whole process is far from over. I’m at the tip of the iceberg and I hope and pray that things will move quickly, smoothly, and with minimal damage. I will say that I am pretty proud of the fact that I am doing this, completely on my own. I’ve received praise from some people admiring the fact that I haven’t let this situation break me down (Although, I beg to differ. I have my moments of weakness, A LOT but they are cleverly hidden). I think what they mean by that statement is most people who are going through the same thing would just give up completely on themselves, their life, and their future. I have taken control and have a plan to get me through to the other side. I saw a saying the other day that really stuck out to me “Life is about how you handle Plan B.” Couldn’t be more true for my situation.

My life hasn’t been a bed of roses. It’s been hard, challenging, difficult. I have good days and bad days. The past few years have been more on the difficult side but the beautiful thing is I have made it through. I keep waking up in the morning so that must mean that God has a plan and purpose for me. I blogged few months ago that God has a way of breaking you completely so He can rebuild. I feel like I have been broken down and now I am being rebuilt into the person I was always meant to be. I hate to admit this but I am a control freak. I have a timeline for myself and my life and feel if I don’t achieve those goals I set for myself by a certain time, I have failed. Obviously this causes me lots of frustration and anxiety. My biggest prayer right now is that God help me, let go and you know what… He’s answering. I can’t really explain it but I feel each day, little by little, I am letting go and letting God take back control. It’s still extremely difficult for me to actually do this, but my mind, body, and soul NEED it.

For those of you who have kept me in their thoughts and prayers, thank you. I have felt them, needed them, and appreciated them. This journey is far from over, but I have a plan, I have a direction and now I just need to execute it, with God’s help of course!

Here is a song I heard this morning on my way to work. It's by Linkin Park originally, but Marie Digby sings it more emotionally and beautifully. Another way in which God has spoken to me. Can't help but feel warm and confident that everything is going to be "Ok."