Thoughts surrounding the month of August...

There isn't enough wine and dark chocolate in the world to comfort me lately.

5k training needs to start again. I felt good for those few weeks when I ran. Need to get back in the groove again.

"You have such great color, Jess" I pride myself on mastering the perfect sun kissed tan. This is an accomplishment given my Scandinavian roots.

This is the first time in 30 years that I wont be going to the State Fair. This makes me sad.

Some people are just mean. Why I waste my time and energy into those friendships is beyond me.

I need to learn the power of the word "No." The very thought of this makes me anxious. Why?

I've been growing my hair out for the past 3 months. I'm committed, but I'm inches from just chopping it off again.

I miss someone I shouldn't miss. Why does ones heart and head play games with each other? He's toxic. We were toxic. Am I better off? Is he? Grrrrr...I wish I could shut off my brain.

My playlist has consisted of Rap and Country. What the???

I miss good sleep.

I think I need a real vacation. Away from MN. Where I shut off my phone and the world and just be. Anyone want to foot the bill for this??

I like to think I'm pretty self aware. A "friend" told me that this just means I'm a self hater. It's like a giant hug.

I need a REAL hug.

I'm thinking about taking an adult dance class. Me+Tap Shoes= good time.

I still want to take a creative writing class. So many thoughts, so many feelings, so many words I'd like to put into perfectly articulated sentences.

Some days I think I should just quit everything, move, and start over. Wish I had the guts to do this.

Miss Jess is still capable of smiling, even though my mood seems to feel the opposite.  Proof. I'm LOLing over this video all day.

I'm ready to say goodbye to August. It's been a roller coaster. I'm ready for Fall.  Cool, crisp, refreshing.

Mr. Mauer

Joe Mauer. MmmmmMmmmm. He makes many Minnesota girls hearts piter pater. He's a hometown boy, with manners. Very sweet, and soft spoken and not to mention incredibly good looking. I've had a celebrity crush on him for quite some time. I placed him on my bucket list as someone I would like to meet someday. Dreams became reality yesterday at work when they did a meet and greet with the hubba hubba man. Swoon.

Like any good groupie, I stood in line for an hour and 20 minutes to meet him. I was wearing heels, my feet were killing me but it was SO worth it. While waiting, I managed to get a picture with TC Bear. He's pretty handsome too. Wheeee.

And here he is... Isn't he so cute?!

I imagine him writing something like this...

"Hey Girl... let me get your number so we can hang out later after my game.

Hugs and Kisses,
Joe Mauer"

I can dream, right? Sigh.

And here is the proof that I ACTUALLY met him. I look like C.R.A.P and Joe is a bit fuzzy, but it's legit proof. I remember my heart was beating super fast and I felt my face was flushed. He's a regular person but I think whenever anyone is in the presence of a celebrity, they forget how to speak, act, react etc... I introduced myself, shook his hand. Asked him to share his DEEP THOUGHTS, and just like that it was over. Tear, sniff, sigh. If it's meant to be, our paths will cross again. :)

2 is better than 1

I went to a wedding on Saturday night. It has been forever since I've gone to a wedding as a guest. I forget how much effort goes into just participating on a guest level, and not just a bridesmaid. Pricey! Weddings are an excuse to dress up and feel pretty for a night. Here is my attempt. I clean up ok... I think?
Anyways... E had agreed to be my plus one to this event awhile back, but then again that was before I decided to spill my heart to him a few days before. I was a bit nervous of what the night would bring but that's what alcohol is for, right? Kidding. Sorta. It ended up being a great night. We had a good time visiting with an old friend and her husband. E was a trooper for tagging along, especially since he didn't know anyone there, but me. He's a gentleman in every sense of the word.

I think every little girl dreams of what her wedding will be like. It starts at  very young age. For example, there was a little girl sitting in front of us on Saturday. She maybe was 4 or 5 years old. She kept saying "Is she a princess? Is she a princess Mommy?" It made me laugh but then also realize that even at 4 or 5 years old little girls get this illusion that when they grow up, they will marry their prince and live happily ever after. Here I am at 30, still hoping and wishing that I will someday find my prince and live OUR version of happily ever after. I still believe in fairy tales albeit a modified version of one. Life isn't perfect. Neither are people, but I still believe in the idea of marriage even though we live in a world that seems to be the exact opposite. I believe that we were never meant to live our lives alone but in the company of family, friends, and your hearts true desire.

Ecclesiastes 4:
9 Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken




I have a lot to offer someone who is willing to share their life and love with me in return. I am good enough. I am worthy of enough. Someday I will experience this. Someday there will be a little girl attending my wedding asking her Mommy if I am a princess while I stand in front of my family, friends, and God vowing to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, with my true love. My impefectly perfect Mate. God is good. God is faithful.  His timing is never early, never late. Always on time. HIS time.

Happy Monday.

Home

"Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found"

Ahhh...Refreshing.
:)

Little Whispers

I had a rough day yesterday. Even though I was smiling on the outside, I was trying to adjust my attitude and heart  on the inside. Rejection is never easy to digest no matter what form it takes. You start to question what's wrong with you and that spirals into anything but positive thoughts.

After a pretty uneventful evening of watching reality whore shows and eating a DQ Blizzard for dinner (comfort food 101) I decided to go for a walk. It was a beautiful night so  there were no excuses. I threw my tennis on, plugged in my iPhone tunes and off I went.

Music was playing in my head,  but my thoughts still were there. I was replaying the conversation I had with E the night before and started to think about if we really were going to be able to remain friends or not. Even though I believe him when he says he wants things to remain the same, I was questioning in my mind if I would be able to emotionally handle separating my friendship feelings from my more than friendship feelings. It was an emotional tug of war. I started to make a mental list and weighing the pros and cons. I even asked God for a sign, a feeling of peace and comfort and just like that I came upon this...

A spray painted red heart in the middle of the sidewalk. I smiled and realized I was being watched over. I felt as if God was whispering in my ear asking me to relinquish my worry and just trust that He has this. So I did just that and as I continued to walk back towards my place, guess who I ran into? E. He was just finishing up a run. Double smile. Right then and there is when I realized that just because E doesn't like/love me the way I want him to, doesn't mean he can't like/love me with everything he has and is able to. He's a blessing to my life and I would much rather be his friend than nothing at all.