Jess, the Bread Maker

I spent Saturday afternoon/evening at a bread making class with my Mom and two Aunts. Anyone who knows me, knows that I. DO. NOT COOK. I am domestically disabled when it comes to the Kitchen. I know that the cooking/baking gene is hidden in me somewhere as my Mom and Grandma are both amazing cooks, but I haven't quite figured it out yet. My excuse has always been that it is hard to cook for one, which is true. My dinners consist of bowls of cereal, peanut butter toast, and the occasional turkey tacos. I know you're jealous.


The class was at the Smoland Inn in Alpha, Wisconsin. It was a cute little Farm filled with Horses, Cows, Chickens, and of course, kitty's! I was in animal heaven. This little cutie kitty was in a flower box just outside of their wine shop. (Yes, they had a wine shop too!) Oh fur cute, right?! Wheee.

The class ended up being a lot fun but then again, cooking/baking with wine is ALWAYS fun. I'm not about to quit my job and open a bakery anytime soon. I'll leave that up to my Mom, who actually is an amazing baker! I did have fun though and it will be a day I will remember. It was the first day I ever wore an apron, and the first day I ever made bread from scratch.  

 

P.S. I made Honey Whole Wheat, and it is amazing!

Life update

I'm still eating and drinking my feelings. Prime example: Yesterday I had cookies for breakfast, margarita, chips and salsa, fajitas for dinner. Fail. I felt so guilty when I got home that  I forced my tennis shoes on and stepped on that treadmill. I kept burping up margarita (sexy) so I limited my "Workout" to 30 minutes. I promised myself that I would actually push my tush tonight when I get home.

Someone asked me if I was a Christian because I have gay friends and support equality for them. I was completely and utterly disgusted with their comment. How incredibly ignorant for them to judge and say such a thing. Sin is sin, people. Red, yellow, black, white, gay, straight, we ALL are precious in HIS sight. I have a hard time believing that God would HATE anyone but especially HATE gays. Their sin is no more and no less than my own. No one has the right to caste judgement or limit the human and civil rights ALL people deserve. Please take into consideration this is my opinion and you are entitled to yours. I don't judge you for you stances on this subject and expect the same respect in return. Fair? I think so.

I'm so over this election. The political ads are getting to be a bit much. From the sounds of it, its going to be a tight race. I just hope it's not another 2004 re-count battle. What a mess that was. Whether you are right or left on your political beliefs, we have to give mad props to our President. He inherited a mess and in my opinion has done a pretty good job considering everything. People need to realize that things aren't going to change over night. Change takes time, it takes patience, it takes hard work, team work. It takes compromise, and sacrifice from EVERYONE!!!! Here's an idea... why don't we stop blaming the other party for all that is wrong in this country and start working together to come up with actual solutions versus pointing all of the things that are wrong. Just a thought. I digress.

Mr. Toxic tried to weasel his way back in the other day. I took a huge step and told him no. It was hard. I felt anxious in doing so, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I need to treat him as if he is a drug and I am addicted to him. I'm not addicted to who I think he is now, I'm addicted to the idea of what I thought he was, then. Haven't let go of that version of him yet. I thought I conquered this but it has become clear, I haven't. I hope I have enough courage and strength to continue to say no again in the future. Baby steps.

Work is still insane but thankfully my boss has been SO supportive and encouraging that it makes this stressful time go a lot smoother than it could be. The new hire I have been training has been going well. I've been super hard on myself in thinking I am not a good trainer/teacher but the feedback I've been getting is the exact opposite. She is thriving because I am a good teacher. This makes me feel good. Bonus points is I will have a ton to write about in my annual review. Those dreadful things are always impossible to write, but this year it will be a piece of cake (hmmm cake, stop it Jess!!!) Score!

I'm hosting a girls afternoon this coming Sunday at my place! I love to entertain and have people over. It gives me an excuse to super clean my apartment, along with pulling out my wine glasses. We are celebrating a friends birthday, and another friend will be bringing her newborn baby boy so I can get my baby fix at the same time.

This whole being 30 thing is still settling in. There are moments when I have minor freak outs when I realize I am a legit adult. The other day it happened when I was driving home from my Mom's after having dinner. I was sitting at a red light and the little voice in my head said "Holy crap, I'm an adult. I'm driving home to MY apartment where I take care of MYSELF. Holy crap." Then the light turned green, and I snapped back into reality. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to being an adult. When did it sink in for you?

I leave for Hawaii in 108 days,  2 hours, 52 minutes and 12 seconds but who's counting?

That's it for now.

Back on the wagon

It's been 6 months since I last blogged about my 30 by 30 goal. Meh... I figured if I just ignored the scale that I would magically lose the last 20 pounds I wanted to shed by the time I was 30 years. NOT. There was one weekend in August when I decided to step back on that dreaded thing just to see how much damage I had done and was extremely surprised to see that I somehow managed to lose another 5 pounds vs. gain. That high was short lived as the next week... life happened. I went through rejection by someone I really liked, work became total insanity, and my nights and weekends turned into eating and drinking my feelings. I'm really good at that.

I leave for Hawaii in 110 days. That's 16 weeks from yesterday. That should be reason enough to get my arse in gear but still I'm struggling to find motivation. I don't have any excuses but pure laziness. Though I am exhausted, I know getting out and moving would do me good, and yet I still just sit on my couch watching SATC for the 100th time. Yesterday was bad. I slept until 10am which is odd for me as usually I am up by 7am. Had breakfast and literally just sat, read, napped, watched TV, read, napped. All day. The sun was shinning. I should've bundled up and went for a walk but instead I chose to sit on my butt and be lazy. Ugh. I remember thinking to myself that I need to change my habits otherwise it's going to get out of control again. Finally around 5pm, I threw my tennis shoes on, a hooded sweatshirt and went for a walk. It felt good to breathe in the cool air. My muscles were happy that I was moving.

As I enter into the winter months, I need to get into a routine of dragging my butt down to the fitness center in my apartment building. I was so committed last year for a good 2-3 months and then I let it go. I'm so frustrated with myself. I know I can do this. I know that I can make better choices, exercise more, eat less. Be healthier. I can lose the weight. I have lost the weight before and I can do it again. I know that when I do this, for real, I will feel so much better about myself in more ways than one so why can't I just do it already??! The term "I eat because I am unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat" rings so much truth for me. At least I realize this, whereas some people just stay in denial.

It's time to get serious. FOR REAL. Today is a new day. Time to pick myself back up, put those tennis shoes back on, and start taking care of ME!

I can't be silent

Bullying isn't just an issue for kids but we see it in adults as well. Why do we live in a world so full of hate and judgement? Why do we live in world that demands perfection and defines beauty by unrealistic standards? Everyone has a story, a past, a reason they are they way they are. Don't judge or jump to conclusions on someone based on their outward appearance. I have fallen victim to bullying because of my weight. I have struggled my entire life. I am aware of my physical flaws but it doesn't define me as a person. I too am so much more than a number on the scale. Do I need to lose weight? Absolutely, but being bullied into doing so isn't the type of encouragement I need or anyone else who struggles with weight issues needs either. Think before you speak, type, post. Be kind to one another. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Shoot for the stars...

Dear Little Jess,

You are SO loved. There will be times in your life when you will question this, but you are.You are the sunshine in so many people's lives. God has BIG plans for you. Bigger than you can ever imagine or dream of. Trust this. Trust yourself.  Never settle for anything less that what you give. You are worth it. You are smart enough, good enough, pretty enough. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't worth having in your life.

Enjoy being little. Someday will become an actual day before you know it. You will make mistakes. When life knocks you down, pick yourself back up and try again. Don't ever give up, EVER but realize that some things you need to just let go of. Your heart will be broken a time or two. It's ok. It will still beat. You will get through it.  Be choosy. It's ok to be selfish sometimes. Don't compare yourself to others. Some days you are ahead and others behind. It's ok to be different. Only you are responsible for your happiness. 

Guard your heart. Listen to your head more. Never apologize for how you feel but realize when you need to apologize. Be honest. Be true. Be uniquely you. Life is short. Live in each moment. Be thankful. Be grateful. Give back but allow others to take care of you when you need it. It's ok to ask for help. Love always. Forgive when you need too, this includes yourself. 

Remember that your parents are human and will make mistakes. They love you. One day you will look back and realize just how much they sacrificed for you. Remember to thank them. You will ultimately end up like your Mother. It's not a bad thing. Life is what you make of it. Enjoy YOUR journey. You are special. You are beautiful. You matter. You are YOU.

Love, Future Jess

 

Dear Present Jess,

Look at you! All grown up! Remember when you wanted to rush to this point!?! Now you're here and you are doing a pretty good job!! Remember your hopes and dreams? They may have shifted a bit in the growing up process, but they are still there. Don't give up. You are smart enough, good enough, pretty enough. You are loved. Keep your chin up and continue to reach for those stars. Continue to trust the process, the journey, YOUR journey. You are uniquely you. Own it.

Love,

Yourself