I have a work husband. He is my car pool buddy. We've been "Married" for awhile now. I love him like a brother but at the same time I hate him like a brother too. We argue, we make up, only to argue again. He's been a great support to me over the past few years with the ups and downs and all arounds with my life and I have been that support to him, too. He especially was and has been a great support system to me during my break up with P. He offered the "Guy's" perspective. No sugar coating. No comments of "Oh, Jess... he'll come around just be patient." Very clear cut and to the point. "He isn't the one, get over it." Almost like black coffee, straight up. No room for cream or sugar.
The other week I mentioned to him that I had started doing Weight Watchers and my goal was to lose 30 lbs by 30 years. His comments were all very supportive, until he said the following:
"Jess, if you lose some weight you will be such a catch. You have a great personality, good skin, blonde hair, blue eyes. Just lose some weight and you will be a knock out."
Ummmm, ok. I really didn't know how to take that "Feedback" other than to be very upsetting. Basically I felt he was saying that I was single because I am overweight. (Which possibly could be the case?? I like to think that there are still some good hearted, shallowless guys still out there?? I dated one after all.) Also, what the heck does "Having great skin" have anything to do with me being dateable?
I know he meant well and his comments came from a good place, but most likely not the most thought out way in communicating them. (Weird, a guy who has issues communicating) In this case, I needed a little cream and sugar in my coffee.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
30 by 30: Weekly Update
Loss/Gain: -1lb
Total lost: 3.7
Pounds to lose until goal: 26.3
Activity: Worked out EVERYDAY except Tuesday!!! If you want to know what your calf and butt muscles feel like, walk on a treadmill at full incline going 3mph for 30 minutes. Wowza.
Water Intake: At least 32 oz a day!
Healthy Habits: Continued to bring my breakfast and lunch to work this week. Started eating Salads for lunch and apples with peanut butter for snacks!
Emotional Weight Loss: Went to a Bible study at work! I didn't even realize there was Bible Studies at work!!!
I lost another pound. I know I shouldn't complain as a loss is a loss but I was hoping for more. Granted I did go out to dinner twice this week. (Going out is my weakness and downfall). I am proud of myself for working out everyday this week except for Tuesday night!! My sweat is my fat, crying. I'm crying a lot.
I have decided to set up a reward system for myself for every 5lbs I lose. I think it will be a good motivation for me to keep focused and keep going. Here is what I have come up with:
5lbs lost: Pedicure
10lbs lost: New Outfit (Typically 10lbs gone = a new pant size. Yay!)
15lbs lost: Massage.
20lbs lost: Another new outfit
25lbs lost: New work out gear
30lbs lost: Spa Day. After all that hard work to achieve my first goal, I deserve a little pampering!
I need to create a workout playlist. Right now I listen to Pandora Radio which has a good mix but I'm open to more suggestions. What are your favorite songs to push your tush to?
Total lost: 3.7
Pounds to lose until goal: 26.3
Activity: Worked out EVERYDAY except Tuesday!!! If you want to know what your calf and butt muscles feel like, walk on a treadmill at full incline going 3mph for 30 minutes. Wowza.
Water Intake: At least 32 oz a day!
Healthy Habits: Continued to bring my breakfast and lunch to work this week. Started eating Salads for lunch and apples with peanut butter for snacks!
Emotional Weight Loss: Went to a Bible study at work! I didn't even realize there was Bible Studies at work!!!
I lost another pound. I know I shouldn't complain as a loss is a loss but I was hoping for more. Granted I did go out to dinner twice this week. (Going out is my weakness and downfall). I am proud of myself for working out everyday this week except for Tuesday night!! My sweat is my fat, crying. I'm crying a lot.
I have decided to set up a reward system for myself for every 5lbs I lose. I think it will be a good motivation for me to keep focused and keep going. Here is what I have come up with:
5lbs lost: Pedicure
10lbs lost: New Outfit (Typically 10lbs gone = a new pant size. Yay!)
15lbs lost: Massage.
20lbs lost: Another new outfit
25lbs lost: New work out gear
30lbs lost: Spa Day. After all that hard work to achieve my first goal, I deserve a little pampering!
I need to create a workout playlist. Right now I listen to Pandora Radio which has a good mix but I'm open to more suggestions. What are your favorite songs to push your tush to?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Trust.
My emotional weight loss journey has proven to be far more difficult than my physical journey has been thus far. My physical plan is simple. Eat within my daily points, exercise, repeat next day. Emotional weight loss requires me to truly look at myself in the mirror and peal off the layers. It's painful but it's necessary.
As I am working through the emotional weights that are tying me down, there is one word that keeps lingering in my mind. Trust. The word “Trust” is difficult for me to hear. Whenever I hear it, read it, say it aloud I get an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. I become uncomfortable and quickly want to fast forward to when it doesn't feel icky anymore.
The definition of the word Trust:
Noun:
Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
Synonyms:
noun. confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief
verb. believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust
FIRM BELIEF IN RELIABILITY OF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.
CONFIDENCE, FAITH, RELIANCE, BELIEVE, HOPE
Wow. Powerful.
I want so badly to BELIEVE, HOPE, RELY, have FAITH in people but after years of disappointments and let downs my heart just can't muster up enough courage to truly trust anyone anymore. I really dislike the color of distrust on myself. I have always believed myself to be a caring, kind, loving, giving, as well with trusting person. I would trust and choose to believe the good in people until I was proved wrong.
Looking back at my life and where I have been and how far I have come, every set back and heart break were all products of broken trust. I'd be lying if I didn't say that until up to recently, I completely turned my back on God. I have been so angry and bitter towards Him for allowing my heart to endure such pain and heartache. When something good and positive would come, I'd think "Oh, finally... things are looking up." Only to be shot down later. Each short lived peak has been followed by a long valley. I can't help but whimper... "Why me?"
My issues with trust run deeper than the physical world I live in. The real issue is my inability to truly trust God with MY everything. Having patience that His timing, His reasoning, His plan is perfect. Being who I am, I automatically want to control and I am being asked to relinquish that control and I can't seem to let go. Why do I continue to hold onto these anchors that are holding me back and only causing me more pain and frustration? If God wants me to live free, than why can't He just take it away? Fair questions I'm sure everyone has struggled with at some point.
As I continue on my emotional weight loss journey, I plan on focus on BELIEVING, HOPING, RELYING, and having complete FAITH in God. Learning to let go, and TRUST that He will guide me and lead me to where I am suppose to be.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
"God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Psalm 13
"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me."
As I am working through the emotional weights that are tying me down, there is one word that keeps lingering in my mind. Trust. The word “Trust” is difficult for me to hear. Whenever I hear it, read it, say it aloud I get an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. I become uncomfortable and quickly want to fast forward to when it doesn't feel icky anymore.
The definition of the word Trust:
Noun:
Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
Synonyms:
noun. confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief
verb. believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust
FIRM BELIEF IN RELIABILITY OF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.
CONFIDENCE, FAITH, RELIANCE, BELIEVE, HOPE
Wow. Powerful.
I want so badly to BELIEVE, HOPE, RELY, have FAITH in people but after years of disappointments and let downs my heart just can't muster up enough courage to truly trust anyone anymore. I really dislike the color of distrust on myself. I have always believed myself to be a caring, kind, loving, giving, as well with trusting person. I would trust and choose to believe the good in people until I was proved wrong.
Looking back at my life and where I have been and how far I have come, every set back and heart break were all products of broken trust. I'd be lying if I didn't say that until up to recently, I completely turned my back on God. I have been so angry and bitter towards Him for allowing my heart to endure such pain and heartache. When something good and positive would come, I'd think "Oh, finally... things are looking up." Only to be shot down later. Each short lived peak has been followed by a long valley. I can't help but whimper... "Why me?"
My issues with trust run deeper than the physical world I live in. The real issue is my inability to truly trust God with MY everything. Having patience that His timing, His reasoning, His plan is perfect. Being who I am, I automatically want to control and I am being asked to relinquish that control and I can't seem to let go. Why do I continue to hold onto these anchors that are holding me back and only causing me more pain and frustration? If God wants me to live free, than why can't He just take it away? Fair questions I'm sure everyone has struggled with at some point.
As I continue on my emotional weight loss journey, I plan on focus on BELIEVING, HOPING, RELYING, and having complete FAITH in God. Learning to let go, and TRUST that He will guide me and lead me to where I am suppose to be.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
"God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Psalm 13
"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me."
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Q&A
I had 5 comments on my Don't Be Shy blog. I'm still very curious about the other peeps that visit/creep my blog... hint hint hint. I had 2 questions from followers so I thought I would take time to answer those questions along with some other random questions I found online. Hopefully you find my answers interesting and perhaps learn a little bit more about ME.
What is the one thing that you love the most about yourself?
Even though I have my moments of "Poor Me," I consider myself to be very hopeful. I never give up on anything that is important to me and I wont quit until I find what I am looking for.
If you were to change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish I didn't dwell so much on things that I can't change. I look back a lot, when I should be looking forward.
What do you appreciate most about your life?
Family & Friends. At the end of the day all that matters is that you loved and are loved.
What do you like to do in your spare time/on weekends?
I work part time and also pet sit. When I’m not busy with those 2 things I typically spend my free time with friends and family. In the summer I enjoy any and everything to do with being outside. Walks around the lakes, a nice patio with a glass of wine and good company, a weekend at my family’s lake place. Winter… I hibernate. Lots of movies, reruns of Friends, Office, SATC.
What’s your favorite color?
That’s tough… It really depends on the season and my mood. My décor at home is very traditional. Bold colors for the living room/kitchen while my bedroom is very Shabby Chic/Countryish. No real favorite color. I appreciate all colors in the rainbow. But… if I had to choose my favorite current color it would have to be Grey and Yellow together.
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A flight attendant.
I have an irrational fear of balloons. I know, it's crazy but they seriously freak me out.
What is the one thing that you love the most about yourself?
Even though I have my moments of "Poor Me," I consider myself to be very hopeful. I never give up on anything that is important to me and I wont quit until I find what I am looking for.
If you were to change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I wish I didn't dwell so much on things that I can't change. I look back a lot, when I should be looking forward.
What do you appreciate most about your life?
Family & Friends. At the end of the day all that matters is that you loved and are loved.
What do you like to do in your spare time/on weekends?
I work part time and also pet sit. When I’m not busy with those 2 things I typically spend my free time with friends and family. In the summer I enjoy any and everything to do with being outside. Walks around the lakes, a nice patio with a glass of wine and good company, a weekend at my family’s lake place. Winter… I hibernate. Lots of movies, reruns of Friends, Office, SATC.
What’s your favorite color?
That’s tough… It really depends on the season and my mood. My décor at home is very traditional. Bold colors for the living room/kitchen while my bedroom is very Shabby Chic/Countryish. No real favorite color. I appreciate all colors in the rainbow. But… if I had to choose my favorite current color it would have to be Grey and Yellow together.
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A flight attendant.
What do I do for work?
I work for Target Corporation. I’ve been there for 7 ½ years. My first REAL grown up job. Right now I am the Director Assistant for Technical Product Design and Development. I help manage a team of approximately 150 people. It has it’s good days and it’s bad. I’m thankful I have a job that helps me provide for myself.
I also work part time for the City of Robbinsdale in their Parks and Recreation dept. I’ve been with them for 15 years!!!!! It was my FIRST job, ever and they just can’t seem to get rid of me. It’s fun, don’t have to think work, and the extra money is nice too.
I do pet sitting on the side. I started this about 5 years ago and my mini business has grown ten fold. All of my clients are word of mouth. I’ve seriously thought about quitting my job and doing it full time or taking a huge leap of faith and starting my own business. Haven’t quite figured out the whole business aspect of it all. Sigh… dream big, right?
If you were to win $10 million, what would you do with all that money?
I would give half of it away to family, friends, churches, charities, and animals. ¼ of the other half would be spent on traveling the world. I would be on vacation for at least 2 years. The last ¼ of the half would be spent on building my dream homes… that’s right, I said homes. One here in MN, one in some tropical location where I could vacation regularly.
What is your favorite meal?
El Loro Chicken Fajita, Chips and white salsa. I am drooling right now just thinking about it. Yum
If you were to get an opportunity to live anywhere in the world, which part of the world would you choose?
Hawaii or any other tropical location. I’m a much happier Jess in a warmer climate. I could get use to paradise everyday. It would never get old. Trust me.
Best advice you’ve received?
Never be sorry for how you feel.
Best advice you can give?
Don't ever, ever, ever give up. Ever.
I have an irrational fear of balloons. I know, it's crazy but they seriously freak me out.
If you have 3 SELFISH wishes and they would come true no matter what, what would you wish for?
1. Financial Stability. Aka... not having to live check to check.
2. Being at my "Perfect" weight and all of the benefits that come along with looking and feeling good.
3. The ability to travel the world.
What is your biggest dream?
This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. I want more than anything to find the RIGHT guy, fall in love, be married, have a family and live OUR version of happily ever after. I am fully aware that marriage and kids aren’t all rainbows and butterflies but I have never wanted anything more in my life than those things. I’ll never give up on that dream. And when that dream becomes reality… I’ll still blog about Life, Life and my continued pursuits of happiness.
Hakuna Matata
I went to the Lion King last night with my Dad and Step Mom. I bought the tickets as a Christmas present for the two of them. I was lucky enough to see the production 15 years ago when it first premiered here in Minneapolis and was blown away. When I found out that the show was coming back to the Cities, I decided to splurge and purchased some pretty awesome seats. Balcony, first row. I felt like a celebrity. The whole production is so well done. Make up, costumes, set design, dance choreography, and special affects are just stunning. The opening act is truly what moves you though. Takes your breath away. If you ever get the chance to see this Broadway Show, I highly recommend it! Splurge and get great seats too. I promise you, it's worth every penny.
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