Trust.

My emotional weight loss journey has proven to be far more difficult than my physical journey has been thus far. My physical plan is simple. Eat within my daily points, exercise, repeat next day. Emotional weight loss requires me to truly look at myself in the mirror and peal off the layers. It's painful but it's necessary.

As I am working through the emotional weights that are tying me down, there is one word that keeps lingering in my mind. Trust. The word “Trust” is difficult for me to hear. Whenever I hear it, read it, say it aloud I get an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness. I become uncomfortable and quickly want to fast forward to when it doesn't feel icky anymore.

The definition of the word Trust:
Noun:
Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
Synonyms:
noun. confidence - faith - credit - reliance - belief
verb. believe - confide - rely - credit - hope - entrust


FIRM BELIEF IN RELIABILITY OF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.


CONFIDENCE, FAITH, RELIANCE, BELIEVE, HOPE


Wow. Powerful.


I want so badly to BELIEVE, HOPE, RELY, have FAITH in people but after years of disappointments and let downs my heart just can't muster up enough courage to truly trust anyone anymore. I really dislike the color of distrust on myself. I have always believed myself to be a caring, kind, loving, giving, as well with trusting person. I would trust and choose to believe the good in people until I was proved wrong.

Looking back at my life and where I have been and how far I have come, every set back and heart break were all products of broken trust. I'd be lying if I didn't say that until up to recently, I completely turned my back on God. I have been so angry and bitter towards Him for allowing my heart to endure such pain and heartache. When something good and positive would come, I'd think "Oh, finally... things are looking up." Only to be shot down later. Each short lived peak has been followed by a long valley. I can't help but whimper... "Why me?"

My issues with trust run deeper than the physical world I live in. The real issue is my inability to truly trust God with MY everything. Having patience that His timing, His reasoning, His plan is perfect. Being who I am, I automatically want to control and I am being asked to relinquish that control and I can't seem to let go. Why do I continue to hold onto these anchors that are holding me back and only causing me more pain and frustration? If God wants me to live free, than why can't He just take it away? Fair questions I'm sure everyone has struggled with at some point.

As I continue on my emotional weight loss journey, I plan on focus on BELIEVING, HOPING, RELYING, and having complete FAITH in God. Learning to let go, and TRUST that He will guide me and lead me to where I am suppose to be.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
"God makes everything happen at the right time. Yet none of us can ever fully understand all he has done, and he puts questions in our minds about the past and the future."

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Psalm 13
"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me."