Today is my Dad's Birthday. He is 52 years young. We met at the 50's Grill for dinner. Not very Weight Watchers friendly but sharing a burger, fries, and Grasshopper Malt is. (Yes, we split everything)
My relationship with my Dad has been a challenge for the past 15 years. The past year or so, things have gotten better. We both make more of an effort to see each other try to communicate on a weekly basis when we can. It will never be what it was when I was little, but thats ok. None the less, he is my Dad and I love him. I know he supports me, cares for me, loves me, and wants nothing but good things for me. But sometimes hearing those exact words can have such an impact, especially on a day like today when I am feeling a bit deflated.
It was never my intention to make tonight about ME but somehow our conversation seem to center around what is going on in my world. As I said, I'm feeling deflated. Things at work aren't the greatest. I miss a certain somebody and really with he would just pick up the phone already. It's also winter, and I always feel icky during this time of year especially when it seems like Summer is so very far away. We had a good talk. One of those conversations you know you will remember forever. It ended with:
"I'm proud of you, Jess and you should be too. I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for you."
Being the sappy girl that I am, it took serious effort for me not to totally break down and do the ugly cry into my grasshopper malt, but I held it together and simple said:
"I'm working on it. I'll get there."
It's the truth. I am working on it and I will get there eventually.
My Dad did offer me a good piece of advice. He said that I need to find what brings me joy and whatever that is, make time for that joy everyday. Is it sad that I'm not quite sure what brings me joy right now? Maybe finding your bliss, your joy, your true happiness is a process? Trial and error and you will find it eventually OR maybe it will find you? I wont give up on trying to figure this out. I'll get there.
I'll end this post by simply saying... I love you, Dad. Thank you for your love and support and for believing in me when I find it hard to believe in myself. I wont give up. I never have and never will.
1 comment:
Finding that joy is a trial and error.
I love crafting, that's what I would do everyday if I had the time and the money.
Bud & I are about to go through Financial Peace University so that we can get out of our debt. It's all student loans that we took out and now we have to pay back. Yes we could go on living the way we do and pay the minimums, but then we would never be at peace. It's scary because that means a strict budget is in our very near future.
I worry because that means that when I do have the time I won't always have the crafts to do (those things cost money) so I will be in the search of a new joy that is less pricey...to take it's place. It's not forever, but it's for now and it may be for the next few years.
So I'll be on the path with you to finding a joy that I can go to each day.
Be Blessed!
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