One

Today is a hard day for me. Today is a special little girl's 1st Birthday. I had the privilege of meeting her when she was 6 months old and was fortunate to have spent a few short months with her until her Dad and I went our separate ways. I can't believe she is 1 year old. The last time I saw her was about 2 months ago when the 3 of us went to a Gopher Basketball Game. It was a great night. Special memories were made. Little did I know that, that night would be the last I would see her again. I was able to hug and kiss her good night, but didn't realize that my hug and kiss was an actual goodbye. Looking back, I wish I would've snuggled with her longer.

Before I met P, I was extremely hesitant of the idea of dating someone who had a child. 1. The thought of potentially being a step mom before I was a Mom myself really didn't settle with me well, 2. I was worried about the potential Mama Drama, and 3. I was afraid that the child(ren) wouldn't like me. When I met P and then eventually his daughter, it was extremely natural. I bonded with his daughter instantly. She melted my heart the very first time I laid eyes on her. My hesitations about dating someone with a child went away and I became more and more comfortable the more time we spent together. I don't regret my decision to date someone with a child, as when I first began my relationship with P, I knew that there was a possibility that things wouldn't work out. Granted our relationship was only 5 months long, it was long enough for me to develop strong feelings for not only her Dad, but also for her. When I broke up with P, I was also breaking up with Little Girl. Both break ups have left my heart broken, twice.

I still struggle with whether or not I made the right decision by ending things. There are days (especially today) when I just miss the two of them so much. Sometimes when you love someone and in this case 2 people, you have to love them enough to let them go, which is what I did but it still doesn't make the situation any easier. I find comfort in knowing that little girl is young enough where she wont remember me therefore she wont have to feel the pain of saying good bye, but it still doesn't take away the memories I will forever have in my heart about her. I will miss her little hands and her soft baby skin. Her beautiful blue eyes which she stole from her Dad. Her gorgeous smile and how it would instantly make you smile. Her precious little giggle and how you couldn't help but giggle with her. All of these memories have touched my heart and I will never be the same nor will I ever forget her.

Happy Birthday sweet little girl! I hope and pray that the next year will bring you all sorts of happy memories.