Am I Ready?

I got home from work yesterday and shuffled through my mail that I forgot to pick up over the weekend. Bills, junk, and then a piece from Eharmony. Intrigued, I opened it.

"Dear Jessica,

We'd like you to consider coming back and giving us another try at finding love."

Hmmmm... how did they even know that I was single again?

My last three relationships were all products of an online dating service. After 2 strikes, I decided to give Eharmony a chance as I had heard so many good things. I signed up in May, filled out my profile, and just let it be. Though I was emotionally, physically, mentally ready to find a meaningful relationship, I didn't want to actively look as I figured if it was meant to be, someone would find me. Just over a month of subscribing to their service, P found me, contacted me, and thus began our mini whirlwind romance.

Ultimately P and I didn't work out, but I don't regret the decision to try Eharmony. Out of all of my relationships I have had in my life, P was the most promising... drama aside, of course. There was definite chemistry. Sure, we had our differences but we balanced each other well. It's an unfortunate case of "He's a great guy, just the wrong time." This breaks my heart. I often wonder what could have happened if we met a year or two earlier, or a year or two later then when we did. Would it have worked out? So many what if's still linger in my mind. One thing is for sure, we met, we dated, it ended. There is a reason for this, a plan and purpose that I am where I need to be right now. A comforting and still incredibly frustrating thought.

Am I ready to date again? I don't know. Sometimes I think getting back out there would be good for me. Meet new people, date, have fun. While the other side of me feels that I'm just not ready to be vulnerable again. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there is a part of me that still has hope that once P figures his stuff out, that there could be an "Us" again. But from my experience, when a relationship breaks up, it is because it is broken. I'll never say never but I have quickly learned that if you expect nothing, you will never be disappointed.

So, thank you Eharmony for "Thinking" and also having hope for me. I'm ok though. I have every faith that when the timing IS right, it will all work out.