I have a work husband. He is my car pool buddy. We've been "Married" for awhile now. I love him like a brother but at the same time I hate him like a brother too. We argue, we make up, only to argue again. He's been a great support to me over the past few years with the ups and downs and all arounds with my life and I have been that support to him, too. He especially was and has been a great support system to me during my break up with P. He offered the "Guy's" perspective. No sugar coating. No comments of "Oh, Jess... he'll come around just be patient." Very clear cut and to the point. "He isn't the one, get over it." Almost like black coffee, straight up. No room for cream or sugar.
The other week I mentioned to him that I had started doing Weight Watchers and my goal was to lose 30 lbs by 30 years. His comments were all very supportive, until he said the following:
"Jess, if you lose some weight you will be such a catch. You have a great personality, good skin, blonde hair, blue eyes. Just lose some weight and you will be a knock out."
Ummmm, ok. I really didn't know how to take that "Feedback" other than to be very upsetting. Basically I felt he was saying that I was single because I am overweight. (Which possibly could be the case?? I like to think that there are still some good hearted, shallowless guys still out there?? I dated one after all.) Also, what the heck does "Having great skin" have anything to do with me being dateable?
I know he meant well and his comments came from a good place, but most likely not the most thought out way in communicating them. (Weird, a guy who has issues communicating) In this case, I needed a little cream and sugar in my coffee.
3 comments:
I have no doubt that he meant it all to be a very nice compliment, but guys sometimes don't understand that we read between the lines and hear what they might not actually be saying with words. I know it's hard, but I would try really hard to hold on to the nice things he said as stand-alone compliments. You do have great eyes, smile, hair, etc. just as he said, and so much more. In other words, you ARE a catch! Right now! :)
Yea, I think that is insensitive. I would never say that and I don't think a guy should say that. I would be disappointed in Marty if he said that.
He obviously didn't do it to be hurtful, but it was a dumb thing to say.
Tactless.
I'm positive he meant well, men just communicate around physical (body image) issues differently than women do. He likely had no idea that it would upset you.
Regardless of everything else you ARE a great catch, whether you reach your goal or not (PS I know you will! <3 )...any guy would be lucky to have you. You are wonderful!
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