Out with the OLD, in with the NEW

It’s over. It’s done. I am free, at last! I can finally close a chapter in my life for good.

I woke up yesterday morning and felt incredibly anxious, worried, stressed. I tossed and turned the majority of the night. Like most of my nights have been the past 9 months. I knew in the back of my mind, everything was going to be ok but the worrier in me kept playing the what if’s in my mind. I tried to just focus on breathing, smiling, being happy that it was almost over.

I met my realtor for Breakfast around mid morning and we headed to closing shortly after. We were early, naturally. I was always brought up to believe that early is on time and on time is late. I kept looking at my watch, my phone, the clock on the wall… “Is it 12 yet? Is it over?” Tick, tock, tick, tock. My closer was right on time and brought us back to get me signing my portion of the papers. She read to me every page and what the numbers meant etc… I remember listening to her and thinking in my back of my mind “I have no idea what this means, what I am signing, what is this??.” I feel so uneducated when it comes to owning a home, taxes, what the hell escrow means!! I willingly signed my life away, again except for this time I was divorcing my mortgage vs. marrying it. I was done within 10 minutes. Phew, that was easy… until I realized that my Buyer wasn’t there, yet.

I sat there and stared at my phone, my watch, the clock on the wall again. “Where is he? Is he not coming?? Why isn’t he here yet?” Around 12:20, my realtor received a call from the buyer. He was “Lost.” My blood began to boil. Finally after 45 minutes of waiting, he showed up. He walked in so nonchalant. Like it wasn’t a big deal he was 45 minutes. I wanted to scream at him, but refrained. I just smiled. He signed his papers and then informed the closer that he had a cashiers check and also a money order. For a moment, the closer wasn’t sure if the money order would be accepted. “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!!” I was thinking in my mind. I found this buyer to be so incredibly unprepared and scattered, but whatever. After about 10 minutes of trying to get a hold of someone to approve the money order or not, the final papers were signed, checks were handed over along with keys and I was done. Sigh.

I bought my Condo on April 27th, 2007 for $106,000. The final sale on August 24th, 2011 was $26,000. Makes you sick, doesn’t it? I left closing feeling free, but also I felt a huge sense of failure. I’m trying hard to believe that I didn’t fail at the American Dream but the American Dream failed me.

Today, I still feel anxious but I’m realizing that my mind and body are so use to feeling this way, that I need to re-train it to feel the new normal of not worrying. I have a new life, a new home, a new job, a new boy and I am just going to keep focusing on ALL OF THOSE GOOD THINGS. I’m blessed. I’m so blessed beyond belief. I am so much stronger and wiser because of this whole experience and for that I can’t be anything but thankful. God is good. All the time.