No into Yes

The word "No" is defeating. It makes me feel small. Insufficient. Insignificant. It makes me  question everything about myself, about life, about the direction I am going or not going. It traps me into dark places and keeps me hostage for far longer than I care to admit. Bottom line, "No" makes me feel not good enough. Lately I've been struggling to believe that I will ever hear the word "Yes" as all I ever seem to be surrounding by is "No."

 I had the TV on in the background as I was getting ready yesterday. Since I don't have cable, I have a limited number of channels that actually come in. Yesterday it was Channel 11. It was around 10:30am and there was a televised Church service going on. Typically (in my experience) those services are just begging for people to send in money along with a few praise Jesus' thrown in. Totally not my thing and usually I end up changing the channel. But in the essence of having some background noise while I was getting ready, I kept it on. As I was putting on my make up, I heard the pastor say:

"God places dreams in your heart for a reason. Though you may have heard NO in your past and you very well could continue to hear NO in the the future... someday those NO's will turn into a YES. Your YES may just be around the corner. God hasn't given up on your dreams and neither should you. Trust that each NO is getting you to your YES."

At that moment, I put down my mascara and started to pay attention for the next 20 minutes. God captured my attention and answered a prayer I've been desperate to hear an answer to. That prayer being that my hopes and dreams aren't too big to experience. Aren't too big for Him to answer. Aren't too big to be. God hears me and He will answer my hopes and and dreams when He sees fit. What I am experiencing right now is merely a difference in opinion. My timeline and His timeline are not aligned. Relinquishing that control and trusting that He has this, ALL of this, is hard. God captured my attention yesterday and probably has been trying to for quite some time.  He nudged His way back in  by way of a televised Church service. What an awesome weirdo. :)