Trust and Patience

A few months back, I blogged about living to my full potential. This thought has been lingering in my mind again and I am trying to figure out what the next steps should be. I think it is safe to say that most people have something they fear. I’m special. I have many fears. My biggest fear being that of failure. I fear my potential, who I want to be, who I should be. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to give back and make an impact on others. It has nothing to do with needing to be recognized, but to make a true, and whole hearted difference. The frustrating part is, I haven’t a clue what this looks like, or how to do this. I just know that my purpose in this world is bigger then what it currently is.

I started praying again. I’ve been reading scripture and just all around having lots of alone time talking with the big guy upstairs. My prayers are quite simple… “What do you want me to do??!” “Who do you want me to be??!” “I am at your mercy, I am at your will, please just show me a sign, and I will follow.” So far, no answer. So I sit, and wait, and be patient (something I am NOT good at). Giving EVERYTHING up to Him is hard, especially for a control freak like myself. Having faith and trust that God has a plan and purpose for your life isn’t an easy thing to accept, but I must accept it if I ever want peace. We live in a world where we need instant gratification and it’s hard to surrender yourself to HIS timing. It’s in times like these when I am reminded of this verse:

Proverbs 3: 5-6
5“Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight”

The word “Trust” is difficult for me to hear. I struggle with trust since it has been broken too many times, more times then anyone should ever have to endure. Maybe God is testing my trust so I can learn to completely trust in HIM? Ok, I get it. But I think God just wants me to be patient, because clearly He is not finished with me yet.