Buzz Kill

Do you have someone in your life that has the tendency to bring you down? Someone who just can't be happy for you or support you or just be there for you without having an opinion? Are they sort of a buzz kill? Well, I have one and she happens to be my Mom. God love her, but sometimes I just want to shake her.

For the record, I love my Mom, dearly. We are very close and there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do for her and I know she feels the same way towards me. However, even so... we have always budded heads when it comes to a lot of things. Whenever I've had an idea or decided to do something in life, she can never just be supportive and happy for me. She has always had an opinion and can even be very judgmental. I know that as a Mom you want to protect your children, and perhaps her opinions, judgement, and what I view as a lack of support or happiness for me stems from love and wanting me to be successful in life, but I am an adult and sometimes I need to make mistakes to learn and grow. I still need to feel supported even if you don't agree with my decisions.

I think every child wants to please their parents. Even though I am an adult I still very much seek my parents approval and acceptance. I still long to hear the words "Jess, I am proud of you." I still want to see the GOLD STARS of approval above my report card in life. It hurts my heart that I don't always feel that from my Mom. I've tried talking to her in the past about how I feel a lack of support from her, but she tends to get very defensive and emotional and I usually end up apologizing to her. It's a battle I'd rather not fight but I know it's a battle I SHOULD fight for the sake and defense of my heart.

Sigh. I'm trying to not let this steal my sunshine today, but I feel a bit deflated.