History has a way of repeating itself. Jess meets boy. Jess falls for boy. Boy stomps on Jess' heart. Boy disposes of Jess. Jess is heart broken. Jess puts the pieces together. Jess is better. Jess finds out that boy has moved on and quickly and somehow magically became the guy she always wanted him to be. Jess starts to question what's wrong with her. Jess doesn't understand why she wasn't worth it.
I don't even know why I am upset. Ex's become an ex for a reason, but my heart just hurts. Sometimes life doesn't seem fair, especially when you find out news that one of your ex's is not only married but is expecting a child with his new wife in a few months. Jealousy is raging in my heart as he is truly getting what my heart so desires. Why?! Why wasn't I good enough?! I want to be happy for him, but a part of me just doesn't understand how someone like him (mean, manipulative, disrespectful, and just an all around not good person) can change overnight. How come HE is getting everything I want, deserve and have been waiting so patiently for?! I know I am being completely selfish, but I just don't understand why things happen the way they happen and I'm just suppose to be smile and be ok with it all, when deep inside it burns me up.
Maybe my sole purpose in life is to be guys in between girl. Their secret. Their rebound. Their feel good friend. Their "I'm bored on a Friday night" girl. I seem to attract the wrong guys. They date me for 5 months. Just enough time for me to make them all shiny and new for their next girlfriend/ soon to be wife. They magically become Mr. Wonderful. The man I always wanted them to be.
"You're such a wonderful person, Jess."
"It's not you, it's me"
"I just can't give you what you need and deserve"
"You are so good to me, I don't deserve someone like you."
"You're going to make some guy super happy someday."
It's like a giant hug of discouragement.
Today sucked. My heart hurts and my head is so confused.
1 comment:
So sorry Jess!
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