I have a friend in my life who has been like a sister to me. We met 11 years ago. At first I didn't care for her that much, mostly because she was my brother's new girlfriend and I was very protective of him (Still am). After a good 2-3 months, I finally warmed up to her and thus began our close relationship. Lindsey and Brad met when they were sophomores in High School. They were adorable together and I believe were voted "Most likely to get married" in their Senior yearbook. My family adored Lindsey and always said "If you and Brad ever break up, you're still going to be like family to us." And we meant it. Brad and Lindsey ended up going to the same college together. Lindsey went for Nursing and Brad, business. After 2 years of college, they started to drift apart and then eventually broke up. The break up not only affected Brad, but my entire family. I remember hearing the news and was instantly sad and prayed that the 2 of them would get back together. Unfortunately, that never happened. They both were going in different directions in life and ultimately their paths never would be in sync again.
Lindsey and I kept in touch throughout the years. She has genuinely been a great friend to me. About a year ago, I got a phone call from her saying she was engaged. When I heard the words come out of her mouth, I was happy for her, but also sad. A part of me always thought that my brother and her would get back together, be married, and Lindsey and I would in fact be REAL sisters. I hid my sadness from her and instead wished her every happiness! She truly does deserve the world, and truly has a gem of a fiance who truly adores her.
Though I LOVE receiving REAL mail, I received Lindsey's wedding invitation a few weeks back and instantly had a huge knot in my stomach. Jessica + Guest. Touched that she wanted to include me on her special day, I had a difficult decision to make. To go or not to go.
Ever since Brad and Lindsey broke up, my relationship with my Brother has been strained. He changed, and not for the better. We use to be close, now every time I talk to him or spend time together, it's forced. He's always looking for excuses NOT to see me. I always have to initiate contact. And the little time we do spend together, he is always looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until he can leave. I've tried to rekindle our sibling relationship. I've apologized for things that I may have done wrong to push him away, but still I can feel he resents me. I get the impression that if I wasn't around, he wouldn't really care. It makes me incredibly sad but it is what it is.
Brad knows that Lindsey is engaged but he doesn't know that I was invited to her wedding. It wasn't something I was going to bring up... it would only cause more friction between us. After I received her invite, I really struggled with whether I should go or not. I prayed about it. Cried about it. Talked to my Mom about it. After a few weeks of agony, I made the difficult decision to not go. Out of respect for my Brother (even though he doesn't know I was invited) I just didn't feel right about it. Plus, I think a part of me would really struggle being at her actual wedding knowing that at one point in my life, I thought it was going to be Brad and Lindsey getting married.
I didn't want Lindsey to find out that I wasn't going to her wedding by way of my RSVP card, so instead I made plans to have dinner with her. We met last night and it took a lot of strength for me to keep it together. Being the wonderful person that she is, understood my reasoning. I still feel incredibly sad that I wont be there for her, as I know if roles were reversed, she would be there for me. Life is full of difficult desicions, but I can honestly say... I never thought one of those difficult desicions would be about going or not going to a wedding.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry that you had to make this difficult decision. I know it was hard and your reasons need no explanation.
I understand what it's like to have a strained sibling relationship.
My brother got upset with me about a year ago and told me at that point that he wasn't going to talk to me for 6 months, once 6 months was up he said he'd re-evaluate how he felt.
Well it's been nearly a year and he has yet to talk to me or acknowledge that he's an uncle.
It's heartbreaking, but I had to come to the conclusion that I didn't do anything wrong and that my daughter has 3 other Uncles who love her more than she knows. Someday my brother will realize how little he's being....I think it's tied back to him being the baby of the family.
Oh siblings....we gotta love them!
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