Girly Things

Today I'm nervous... I made an appointment to see a "Girl" specialist to figure out what's going on with my insides. Without going into too much detail, I have been told I may have issues in the reproducing department for a variety of reasons. After my last girly exam, my OB suggested I meet with someone and potentially do some testing.It's just some precautionary steps to see what's going on, so when I am ready, I will know what to expect. To some, this may seem a bit pre-mature. I'm not even dating anyone and no where near marriage anytime soon. The thought of having a child is still a dream. But, I am getting "Old" and it can become more difficult  to have a child with each passing year. There is a missing piece of my heart, a desire that burns deep. I'm not quite ready to give up on that dream just yet.

Doctors always make me a bit uneasy. I always feel my blood pressure rise as I walk through the doors. I try to remain calm sitting in the waiting room, trying to distract myself by people watching. My heart usually skips a beat once my name is finally called. The nurses are usually cold and lack bedside manners. Then they make you get on that damn scale with ALL of your clothes and shoes on. I'm convinced that adds at least 5 lbs to my weight. At least. They go through all of the personal questions, ask you to undress and make you wait for about 5 25 minutes for the actual doctor. That 25 minutes is quite possibly the longest 25 minutes of ones life especially when you are nearly naked sitting in what can only be classified as a very sheer sheet.

I've been taking care of myself for awhile now. I've gone to many important doctor appointments alone and have had to hear disappointing news on my own, several times. To say that it is lonely feeling doesn't even remotely describe what I truly feel. There have been times I wish someone was there with me, even if they were just in the waiting room. To have someone there supporting you, is comforting. I may be very independent but there are times when it would be nice to have someone there to lean on.

I'm very anxious of what today's appointment will bring. A part of me wants to know what the deal is, but the other part of me isn't quite ready to hear the truth which is why it has taken me 7 months to make this appointment. Thoughts and prayers are appreciated.